I cry all the time. My soul is getting set free. The love that Jesus has for me has never been this personal, tangible, measurably immeasurable in my life.
My soul is singing new songs these days. Songs of beautiful, sweet truth combating years of lies. I'm not saying this is easy or fun-it's actually really hard-but I am saying that this is truly worth it. Running after Jesus has caused years of pain, and years of lies to cease at an instant, in a moment. The phrase "He loves me" has been carried on the wind of the Spirit reaching into my deep-and so beautifully right in the midst of my dark.
I still want the world. Probably now more than ever. And instead of it just being a phrase that a dreamer uses, I can calculate and count what "the world" means to me. I want my generation to be set free by the knowledge of God. Every single college campus. Every 17-25 year old. Me.
I've found that I still like to dance after a 2 year hiatus. I still like to encourage, and write letters to people and ask God what He thinks about them. I still care too much what the "cool" people think and shut myself down around them (we're working on). I really love to be around people and be in big, silly, loud groups-sometimes I have to push myself, "I should probably talk...I can do it, I can do it-mmm nope!". Those moments really overwhelm my heart and cause me to freak and declare war...but the other 90% of the time you can't get me to stop talking or jumping with excitement over life. The teens I work with have given me the title of being the most excited, enthusiastic and giddy leader in our whole department. I can't help who I am---and I have never been asked to.
I think I've realized why I always run away. I'm giving myself an "experiment season"-a few months, a few projects and things "to-do" and then we'll see if I still want to run away to somewhere different, to do the same thing. No more running away for a few months....after I get back from this weeks escape....
But I could never ever run away from Him. I never have. I really never will. He is magnificent.
He always has me. He's always near, and He always runs away with me. He likes that I always drag Him along on these escapes, I think that's why He lets me go on them. But maybe sometime I'd like to stay...I'm just not sure if it's here I'd like to stay.