I've only had one best friend. I am the person who has a million best friends-they all have their specialty areas and they are my best friends, but I only had one friend through all my years that became my best friend in every area of my life. This person knew me in and out and gosh, did I just adore them right back. But now we don’t even look at each other, let alone talk…that hurts.
So much of me hurts…Hurts that I don’t even know why they hurt…maybe I’m the only one. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m immature. Maybe I’m too mature. My hurts are not something I am going to share with every person who walks by…But this is ME. This is my heart…all I ask is please don’t be angry with me-whether I share it with you, I don’t share it with you, or you can’t stand to see my face…
But honestly, it’s not about me. I could sit here and whine and complain and say how much my heart broke…but I can also say that My God is faithful. He is full of mercy, compassion and abounding in Love. THAT is something I can tell everyone!! Without going through all of this crap, I wouldn‘t have experienced his full power and just how absolutely wonderful He is. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor 12:9)
You may think I’m bipolar or fake…but even amidst the crappiest of crappy circumstances I can still dance and smile…Yeah, there are times when I hurt and when I will be on my knees sobbing but I have so many other things to be happy about…and that is Joy. “Happy” is momentary. “Joy” is everlasting. The joy of the Lord-Mmm-nothing can take that away from me. Nothing and No one. The Joy of the Lord has fully become my strength…I can’t run on my own happiness. I need His Joy. I need His peace. His peace that passes all understanding...
“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:1-5)
I am only satisfied in Him. I only desire Him. I only want to be with Him. No one else can add up or compare-even the people who I thought were the greatest have fallen light-years below Him. Moving forward-Persevering through these situations full of things that are focused/based on the workings of the world-will only make me come out with more character, and more Hope. (and we all know how I feel about the word “Hope”…(see previous blog “Hope”)).
It’s all about Him. He will get the glory no matter what. No matter how. He will get it.
I still hurt, but I know that I’m living for something bigger than myself or these situations…who knows what will happen, all I can do and be sure of is who He is…right now…
He is my faithful lover.
“I find no hope within to call my own
For I am frail of heart, my strength is gone
But deep within my soul is rising up a song
Here in the comfort of the faithful one
I walk a narrow road through valleys deep
In search of higher ground, on mountains steep
And though with feet unsure, I still keep pressing on.
For I am guided by the faithful one.
Faithful, faithful to the end,
My true and precious friend,
You have been faithful,
Faithful, so faithful to me
I see your wounded hands, I touch your side
With thorns upon your brow you bled and died
But there’s an empty tomb, a love for all who come
And give their hearts to you, the faithful one.
And when the day is dawned and when the race is run
I will bow down before God’s only Son
And I will lift my hands in praise for all you’ve done
And I will worship you, my faithful one.”