Monday, August 11, 2008

Move Forward

The summer has now ended.
My heart, my mind, and my life have truly been transformed by this summer.
And there’s so much more transforming left to do.
I went through a time where what I saw in myself disgusted me-
pride, jealousy, distrust…
Everything around me seemed to have been ruined because of my character.

When I had reached all I could handle, the Lord invited me closer to Him.
He invited me to Renewal, to Great Healing. To a place of Rest…pure Peace.
Abounding Love. And so much Hope.

At the beginning of summer, I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish during these 4 months:
“This summer, I want to go back to the basics.
I want to pray. I want to dream. I want to seek. I want to find. I want to hope. I want to love. I want to hear. I want to listen. I want to have faith. I want to know.”

Now as I’m preparing-physically, emotionally, and spiritually-to go back to school, I can say that I have learned all these things and that I have been taught by the Master Teacher, Himself.
So much is so deep within me that it is not able to be put into words…but I can tell you that I have grown. Immensely. So much of it will probably never be seen, probably never be noticed and probably never be told. But He knows

I can tell you that I learned how God desires us to act towards Him. And I got to play the part of the Healer. The children I worked with wanted to share everything and anything with me. They came to me for comfort, for laughs, for praise, for love. He wants us to run to him with everything. He wants us to go to him for comfort. He wants us to trust him…

I have sampled probably not even a fraction of the Lords feelings for us. His children. It was overwhelming. The protection, the care, the concern, the joy, and the Love that I felt for these children was incredible. I have worked at this camp for four years and I’ve never felt this before. Us, being the Lord’s children and His creation…the product of His imagination and artistry…I can’t imagine how much He truly deeply Loves Us. Just the mention of the Lord’s unfailing, unconditional, and undeserving love now brings me to tears.

I was broken at the beginning of summer. Then I was healed.
I thought the healing would stay but now as I’m breaking once again I’m not sure what to say…
This is not the way I imagined I would go back to school.
But, as I have learned in many situations,
The Lord’s ways are not Our ways…they’ll turn out better.

I am now going back and as I said to my friend “it doesn’t matter if we’re ready or not-it’s coming!” There will be worries, hardships, judgments and challenges up ahead but there’s nothing to fear.
The Lord goes before me and prepares my way. He’s my defender…I’ll be ok.

I feel like I’ve (once again) grown up. For once, it’s hard for me to leave…

But, now it really is time for me to move on…just like Jesus did with the little children in Matthew 19:15. I have to leave my little children, my friends, my family…
Time to move forward.
Looking ahead. and not behind.

“When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.”

1 comment:

Eliza Ray said...

I'm so glad to hear how you've been trying to improve yourself over the summer...and even better how you've succeeded.

Even if you do feel broken again, you've obviously learned so much this summer, and those lessons are things you need to hold on to throughout the year, because those will be the lessons to help repair you again.

I'll be praying for you!