The Overflow of Heather

You've given me Yourself

2011-12-30T05:48:00.007-05:00

How much more am I accepted when God gave me Himself? How much more adopted into the family am I when, out of love, He gave up Himself. To certify an adoption on earth it takes papers, signatures, money, interviews...How much more does an adoption have a true effect when it is by the Spirit-When another Man's spirit gets placed inside of mine.

He has loved me. He has washed me. Jesus shed His blood for me-making me also a blood relative of God. Jesus has redeemed me to His God and Father so I could know and dwell with them. His God and Father became my God and my Father. Abba. "Daaaadd."

"God sent forth His Son…that we might receive the adoption as sons,
and because you are sons,
God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts,
crying out, "Abba, Father!""
-Galatians 4:5-6

He has given me Himself. He gave me His Spirit. This not only means I am adopted, but it means that His very likeness is a possibility for me to walk out. When the fullness of God resides inside of You, living holy is attainable. I have the ability to be humble, meek, and walk in love continually. He would never promise or command us something if it wasn't within reach. But because He has given us Himself and He resides inside of us-we can walk in holiness and love, because we have a source of strength that is stronger than our own.

I can love Him with every part of my being because He gave me Himself. I cannot possibly withhold anything from the one who withholds nothing from me. That's just not fair. He gave it all for me-God the Father-God My Father-gave me His one and only Son so that I could be a part of the wonderful Trinity. He did it so that I could dwell in eternal fellowship with this beautiful Trinity delighting in one another. He found all of His delight in the Son, and the Son finds His delight in man. And we are invited to enter in into this delight! The Son gave up and became a Man for me. The Uncreated God became His Creation. The Word became flesh--all because God the Father said "If You want to win her heart fully and pursue her rightly as to where all she is is yours--go low, serve her, love her-and go to her. Become a baby for her."

There is a continual song playing inside of my spirit. There is a continual song that has been playing from eternity past. This song was written before the Worlds were. Before the seas were-when it was just the Father and Son dwelling together in deep fellowship and delight with the Spirit. This song of "Abba, Father!" was sung continually from the Word that had yet to speak "let there be light". The being of spirit that dwelt in Him suddenly took up residence inside of me when I made the choice to say "Yes, I will let there be light within me-I will love Jesus". This song has the power to make every anxiety fall to the side, the power to remove every fear, hindrance and doubt. It has the ability to give me strength, it has the ability to give me the grace I need to walk uprightly. I just have to stop and listen to this cry. I lean in, and I join my voice in with this song from eternity past. "Abba, Father".

He caught and bound my wandering wing

2011-10-14T08:36:00.003-04:00

A little bird I am,
Shut from the fields of air,
And in my cage I sit and sing
To Him who placed me there;
Well pleased a prisoner to be,
Because, my God, it pleaseth Thee.

Nought have I else to do,
I sing the whole day long;
And He whom most I love to please
Doth listen to my song;
He caught and bound my wandering wing;
But still He bends to hear me sing.

Thou hast an ear to hear
A heart to love and bless;
And though my notes were e'er so rude,
Thou wouldst not hear the less;
Because Thou knowest as they fall,
That love, sweet love, inspires them all.

My cage confines me round;
Abroad I cannot fly;
But though my wing is closely bound,
My heart's at liberty;
For prison walls cannot control
The flight, the freedom of the soul.

O it is good to soar
These bolts and bars above!
To Him whose purpose I adore,
Whose providence I love;
And in Thy mighty will to find
The joy, the freedom of the mind.

-Gene Guyon

Freedom is Being Enslaved to Righteousness.

2011-07-04T13:01:00.002-04:00

I'll be away at the House of Prayer for 3 months so last blog for awhile! Bless you all!!!

Freedom is being enslaved to righteousness. Freedom is enjoying the work the Lord did on the Cross and walking in the grace to be perfect like Jesus is. We will fail, but hallelujah He helps us! We receive His gift of righteousness and the grace, strength, and perseverance to walk it out (Romans 5:17). To live a life free from sin, heaviness, and weight! It's a state of profound spiritual satisfaction that cannot be fathomed by those who haven't tasted or seen. He has given me all that I need for life and for Godliness (2 Peter 1:3). All I need to live my life is found in Him. All I need to be righteous and to pursue being like Jesus—is found in Jesus! I don't need to strive-I can live righteously and I can enjoy it!! There is nothing I find as deeply satisfying like running after the mind of Christ, keeping my eyes holy, gaining a pure heart, having grace upon my words…Mhm. It's not a burden to follow His commands! It's freedom!! It's not boring!! It's the most invigorating thing!!! It brings peace. Peace is a fruit of righteous living, and peace is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Hebrews 12:11, Galatians 5:22). Being friends with the Holy Spirit brings peace. To be His friend you have to be Holy and live righteously. As Philip Mantofa puts it-Our part is to be holy-it's the Holy Spirit's first name-we want to call Him by his first name we have to be like-minded friends. His part is to be the Spirit-it's his last name and belongs to Him. He counsels, He leads, He guides, He moves, and He loves!

The Lord is willing to overflow, and willing to give more. He is willing to enlarge our capacity! He wants us to have the fullness of Him! The Spirit without measure! It's our choice on how far we want to go…

There is no greater joy than knowing His name! I want to seek Him my whole life-everyday! Not seeing any loss, or counting the cost. There is NONE! (Psalm 34:10) The worth of my Jesus far outshines anything people or society say is a loss. People wouldn't count my loss if they saw what I saw. They wouldn't say I'm giving things up if they looked upon such beauty! (Philippians 3:7-11) I've seen what happens to those who love Him, and those that have seen His glory. God-count me worthy because I want to be ruined like them! (2 Thes. 1:11-12) I want to give all of me, my whole life, everyday. May my declaration always be "what gain! What gain!". The treasure the world offers me is nothing anyway. These are temporal treasures-only Him and I will remain. They will all fade away but He's my prize, He's my reward, He's my Husband (Matthew 6:20). Nothing will ever erase our history. In the end only our relationship stands. Please, please just give me Jesus. The fullness-consume me with longing. I'm motivated by love and want to be motivated by love everyday. Holy Spirit it's your delight to reveal Jesus Christ-so reveal Him to my heart-I want to be so very much like Him!!

It's a joy to live in a pursuit of righteousness. He's given me the open door to live in freedom! He's given me all the keys I need to live it! Everything in my life will be affected and taken care of when His righteousness is sought (Matthew 6:33). He never asks me to do something that I'm not able to. He's not a task master-He's a happy Daddy who wants His children to grow and mature! He's near-His Spirit dwells within—How much closer could you get to God?! The invitation for intimacy is the biggest invite because He lives inside of me! So I simply talk with Him, sing to Him, dance for Him. There is no loss-I love everything about Him!! It's not a sacrifice-it's fitting that He gets my life. His commandments are not a burden. He's never asked me to give more than I'm able. He's never asked me to leave something behind unless it was for my good (Psalm 84:11). He is the Good God! He's never left me, He's never left me, He's never left me….He really likes me.

"You are good, and do good. Teach me your statutes."-Psalm 119:68

"and this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness…"-Philippians 1:9-11

The month I dreaded-over and it was lovely.

2011-06-25T13:21:00.004-04:00

I've been home for a month and a half. I only miss college when thinking upon all the secret hiding places or the sweet friends. I have made "bank"-and given more than half of it away to friends. I've touched the lives of children day after day. I have held hands, I have disciplined, I have hugged, I have wiped tears-and every time they looked into my eyes I know they saw Jesus.

During this month I have felt Him move to the point where I know that I am just a vessel. Nothing but a container for Him to move through. Nothing but an arena for the Spirit to take control. Nothing but a resting place. The Spirit took over my eyes and gave a hope and a future to a lovely 8 year old girl. To a 9 year old boy they gave confidence. They gave a feeling of 'Sonship'. They told him that being a bully and involved in gang efforts in the city wasn't where his alliance belonged. To a 6 year old girl they told her that she was beautiful when the boys laughed at her "fat belly". To a 8 year old girl, after she was molested, they said You are prized.

To me, I know that as I loved, as I obeyed and tried to do my best working an everyday job--I know He was ravished and moved by my love. As I stood in that wedding, I know He was moved by my faithfulness and my wishes to an old friend. As I sat on the couch with my family, I know He was moved by my desire to love them well. As I sat in the music room, I know He was moved by the songs I produced. As I danced in the cellar, as I laid in my bed, as I dreamed and as I rested-I know He was ravished.

So I'm off on Independence Day (how prophetic! ;] ) to Kansas City, heading back to IHOP. Sitting in the NightWatch is the only thing that makes any sense to my heart. And as I go I feel a new wave coming. It's a wave I've learned a lot about the past year. A wave I thought I obtained and thought I understood. But the rush of it's waters are so very different that what I thought. The wave looks like Him. It feels like Him-and it feels like 'me'.

His voice rides upon the sound of these waters.
The wave of freedom, of no longer waiting is coming to my soul.

"The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders…

He makes them also skip like a calf."-Psalm 29:3,5

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."-Malachi 4:2

Restless-Caleb Andrews
Broken I desire to fall upon You. To rest here in Your arms. To be with You where You are.
Jesus, my friend-I love You. Jesus, my friend-I love You.
I will be satisfied when I awaken in Your likeness for eternity.
But till I see Your eyes, I will abide within the vine that upholds all my dreams-in You.
Sustain me. Come to me as I live for You.

Why I Buy Folgers...

2011-06-23T19:30:00.003-04:00

I saw this commercial around Christmas and I began to ball! My brother found it on youtube the other day and began to replay it over and over and I balled again. Anytime it's talked about in our family I go crazy b/c I LOVE the part where she goes "you're my present"--it just feels so REAL!!!! (I know. I know-but really!!?!? AMAZING ACTING!!)

What I Learned at Bport

2011-05-18T10:04:00.002-04:00

I am done with college. I have spent 4 years studying for 2 degrees. I have spent 4 years singing songs over people, and dancing over fields. What a journey it has been.

I have learned about freedom. I've learned that true freedom in your spirit only comes from the spirit of freedom. Whoever holds the spirit of freedom can set you free. Truly free. Freedom can look like dancing in fields, running in mud, singing songs of hope. But true freedom feels quite different. You can do those and be free, but you can do those things and not be free too. I spent a lot of time doing those things with my spirit in chains. And I spent a good amount of time doing those things with my spirit free. It was a whole different ball game. True freedom is when the soul only relies on the one thing it needs. True freedom is when the spirit is flying, and is clean. True freedom is when the mind has clarity beyond clarities. It's when you can jump into the heavens without anything or anyone teaching you how or showing you the way. Only the spirit of freedom. Only one holds the spirit of freedom and the keys to unlocking it in a soul. Who the Son sets free really is free indeed.

I've learned about the secret place. I've learned that what we talk about alone in our rooms is really what counts. I've learned that what we "wish" over people from that place is what counts. When we choose to bless instead of curse and no one knows. What our hearts dream about in the depths-only One person sees that and understands it better than ourselves. When I danced in my room, the heavens saw and shifted things over that land because someone on that land was dancing for love-for the Lover. As His daughter, I have authority in the spirit realm. Things shift, change, and move at the sound of my voice, by the look of my eyes, and the whisper of my heart. What's done in secret really will be rewarded in open. He really does see every cry, every heart movement. And most importantly He sees the choices we make. When we say 'no' and lay aside desires, dreams, and love to go after the one thing we need to breathe. The eyes of the Lord really do run to and fro throughout the whole earth to find hearts longing for Him. Hearts that need, want, desire, and call to Him. He sees, He answers, and He moves. And oh how he deeply, deeply loves. He knows where we've walked, and yet He still kneels down to wash our feet.

I've learned that He's my Daddy. And He is happy. God is happy. He's not mad, He's not sad, not far off, or disappointed. We're not a disappointment to God. My Daddy is happy, and my Daddy loves me. Daddy wants me to barge into His room, interrupt everything He's doing and tell Him all about my day and ask Him things. It's His delight. It's who He is. Daddy. I've learned that He really is moved by us. He doesn't expect perfection, He expects us to come in our weak and broken state. My 8 mastered chords filled with adoration ravish the heart of the Almighty God. That He loves and know us individually, and also loves us so much as His corporate Bride though we are such a diverse group. I've heard Him yell, "Father! Did you see that glance she just gave me?!" He laughs, He sings, and oh man, ask to see Him dance! I've never seen anyone dance like Him!!

I've learned about identity. How isn't not in what you do, what you feel, who you're attracted to that makes you. You're identity is in who you are. What you do, feel, and like all change based upon the way the wind blows. But who you are-who you are created to be-never changes. Identity comes from the creator. The artistic creator gives identity to his masterpiece. That identity never changes for it comes from the creator. Everyone has their say in what they think it is, but the creator gets the ultimate defining word. The Creator has the defining word over us. You are loved. You are a daughter. You are a son. You have a family. You're not an orphan. You're not a disappointment. You're not too far. You are loved. That's the defining last word. You are loved. By God. And you are allowed to be you. You are needed to be you. Jesus didn't come to help me figure out who I was-He came to tell me who He knew I was all along. "I love you. You don't need to figure anything else out. That's all you need to know-you're loved."

The last and final song I sang over was "One Thirst" by Bethel Live. It's my prayer for that land, that campus, those precious people I love:
"…We're here to drink of glory and wonder. Here to cry out 'come and fill this place, come and fill this place.' Our single wish, our sole desire is to gaze upon your beauty God. We will not rest nor will we cease till with our eyes, your face we see…We wait for you to come and show your glory, here today…We wait for you! Hallelujah come! Hallelujah come! Come oh King, come and rest."

May the King find a resting place in that land, in that campus, and in the hearts of the ones I love.

Now-on to new places, new lands, new people, and new lessons…
"Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee-How great Thou art."

xoxoxoxoxo

These final days...

2011-05-04T19:14:00.004-04:00

I found this post I wrote called "Bport is..." and what a treat it was to read...7 days left in this place and I'm drinking in every second.

Soon to come-"What I Learned at Bport".

~*~
I get asked so often what is bport like??
Well, bport is chocolate chip waffles on a cool summer morning.
Bport is communal nap time. Bport is late night walks, arm-in-arm.
Bport is tagging along to friend's family functions because you see your family 2 months out of the year. Bport is coffee shop after coffee shop, and you still haven't found them all.
Bport is "day off" at the beach. Bport is flip flops, and uggs.
Bport is cozy talks. Bport is raw, deep, and real.
Bport is a community of encouragers, and worshippers.
Bport is riding in elevators and stopping on every floor.
Bport is rain. Bport is playing in puddles, tripping into the fountian, laying in the field.
Bport is movie nights. Bport is beautiful girls, and amazing boys.
Bport is being extra "nice" to the cute card guy at the gym.
Bport is running and running and running and running-
finding out that you can't escape this so you'll have to face it.
Bport is mix cd's. Bport is 3 hour dinners at the dining hall. Bport is adventures.
Bport is the canal. Bport is long car rides to no where so you can just sing.
Bport is sweet sunny days. Bport is photo shoot, after photo shoot.
Bport is sisters. Bport is fatherly brothers. Bport is roof climbing.
Bport is dancing in the street at 3am running back and forth from cars.
Bport is tears. Bport is joy. Bport is love. Bport is home.
Bport is in my heart.
-Janurary 14, 2010

~*~

Thoughts.

2011-05-02T15:56:00.005-04:00

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins"-Proverbs 10:12

"Do not say, 'I will recompense evil'. Wait for the Lord, and He will save you."-Proverbs 20:22

"If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he is thristy, give him water to drink"-Proverbs 25:21

"Does not He who weighs the heart consider it? He who keeps your soul, does He not know it? And will He not render to each man according to his deeds?"-Proverbs 24:12

"Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and he who rolls a stone will have it roll back on him."-Proverbs 26:27

"Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it all."-Proverbs 28:5

"Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." -Matthew 5:44-45

"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; lest the Lord see it, and it displease Him."-Proverbs 24:17-18

"'For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies' says the Lord God"-Ezekiel 18:32

Raw Love

2011-05-01T19:53:00.004-04:00

In December of 2009, I kept hearing the word "raw". This was a goal, a compliment, and something to run towards.

Some people hear that word and go "ugh", but I hear it and go "ohh yes!". To me "raw" means being real, honest, vulnerable...Webster defines it as

"not subtle, or restrained"

"imperfectly prepared for use".

In 12 days I am done with 4 years of college, 2 degrees, a familiar land, and many relationships that will not pass my journey again....

I feel so raw. I feel imperfectly prepared for use. I feel free. I feel more loved than I've ever felt before-and at the same time the most alone. I am "Heather" in the fullness of who I am. I am restored-Hallelujah! I feel unrestrained. I feel 'allowed' to overflow. I am allowed to dance, run, jump, sing, and LOVE! Love the way that I desire to love those around me! *sigh*

That was probably the biggest thing that happened at the Furious Love Event, I got permission to love how I want to love people. There are no more rules of how to love people and how to go about doing it. I just do it led by the One who has the greatest love!

It's a love that gets in your face and under your skin. That pushes your boundary. That looks at you with eyes like fire, burning with desire. It's a love that makes you uncomfortable-until you let it take over your heart and it fills every part of your soul. Love washes over a multitude of sins, pains, aches, wrongs...Nothing that stands against love is able to stand when love walks in.

I love reflecting upon seasons. I am amazed by what I have seen these 4 years...and there are still 12 days!!

Furious Love Event

2011-04-30T16:50:00.002-04:00

So the first week of April I wrote this post in going to an event featuring the people in the documentary movies "Finger of God" and "Furious Love":

~~~~
Tomorrow two close spiritual-runners and I are adventuring to the far-away land of Michigan. We will be attending the "Furious Love Event" and will be listening, seeing, and entering into the presence with some of our modern-day heros!!! GAHHHH Much more to come after this, I am sure-but for now I've got to pack and write a paper so I can have time to reflect and digest when I come back!! =]=]

prayers would be looOOOvely!!! =] xoxoxo Some clips from the movies (Finger of God/Furious Love) where these people are shown that are my favorite::

PS-THESE ARE INTENSE AND FOR SOME HARD TO HEAR!

~~~~

So I really don't know how to re-cap what I experienced and saw....All I can "easily" say is that these are the most humble people I have ever met. They took the time to sit down with me, talk with me, laugh with me, e-mail me, and love me. I now call some of them "Mommy" and "Papa". It's insane.

Check out these blogs that talk a bit more about them, but still are at a loss of words. haha

Pastor John (Pastor of the Church it was held at in Monroe, MI)

Deanna Kenyon (one of the friends I went with)

Darren Wilson (Film Director)

A picture is worth 1,000 words...

2011-04-20T22:26:00.007-04:00

If that's true, then here are 6,000 words of my heart, soul, spirit, mind, and body...Any prayers for me would be so great!! Thanks loves. xoxo

image credits: n/a

Trust

2011-04-19T23:49:00.005-04:00

"You say, "I've got you my baby...It's quite the mess you're in but it's nothin' love can't fix...""

"There's not a care in the world when I am trusting You completely...So help me to trust You, Help my unbelief..."

The Prayer Movement-Night and Day Worship

2011-03-31T22:41:00.001-04:00

The Prayer Movement. Something I was introduced to a year ago tonight. Something where everything my heart believed and beat for came together into what I could spend my life doing on this earth. Praising Jesus because He is worthy and vital. Gazing and calling out to Him because I love Him and I miss Him. Standing in His house because there is injustice in the world and circumstances on this earth are not okay with me.

Intercession is a sign of injustice. Night and Day prayer is a sign that things are not as they should be, and draws attention to the hope of when they will be! I will and long to cry out for His purposes of justice to come, and for Him to come Himself. Until He comes back I will be found missing Him and breaking the apathy and the illusion that the world is okay right now. Human Trafficking is not okay. People are starving-it's not okay. People are going to hell-that's not okay. People are being murdered-that's not okay. "Peace, Peace! Everywhere Peace! Things are getting better!" NO! not everything is okay. Virtually nothing is okay because Jesus is not honored in the earth-intercession stands in that gap saying no. Things will not get better apart from His leadership and His purposes that I am praying for. My life-day and night-is a protest. Things are not ok. Yes, I stand in the gap for men, but ultimately I do this because He is worthy of my love, He has won my love, and I voluntarily give Him my love.

Gas stations are open all night long because they are needed. Denny's is open at 3 in the morning. Hospitals are open all the time---these are important. But what is more important than the necessity of praising God's splendor!?! House's of Prayer are not a fad! THE GLORY OF GOD NECESSITATES THAT HE IS WORSHIPPED ALL THE TIME!!! IT'S NOT FOR ME! IT'S FOR HIM! It's because of His worth and His glory and His LOVE! Houses of Prayer stand as a sign to the Body of Christ and Jesus' people saying what David writes in Psalm 4, how long will you give adoration and and attention to what is worthless and fail to give it to what is supremely worthy!? It stands as a reminder to what is vital to everyone and everything.

We are faceless, nameless people whom have hearts stolen away and we stand and say "Behold! there is only One found worthy!! Look world, remember! He is the only worthy one! Go about and do what you are called to do-but I will stand here because I desire to, because I am called to and because I want to remind you that He is worthy" The Lord desires continual worship and devotion. and what a JOY it is!! There is no place I am found more satisfied and more joyful than when I gaze upon Him and sing of His beauty.

"You summon the spirit that you serenade." I will sing to Jesus.

I sing to Him not because He fixes my circumstances. not because He gives me joy. not because He brings justice. He does all this...but I sing to Him because He is worthy of incessant worship. "There is a big difference between getting rescued and getting picked up for your wedding"-Bill Johnson. I am not a part of the Prayer Movement just so things will get better. I am a part of the Prayer Movement because I love who I pray to and I am sick of being away from Him. I am in love with the most amazing man I have ever heard of. And He loves me back-and SO WELL! Everything I love to do, He loves to do. Everything I like to talk about, He likes to talk about...He's my best friend, my Husband, my brother...and the Holy Transcendent God.

He is worthy of all the love and all the adoration. May this be the basis of all our worship-adoring Him! It is the heartbeat of heaven! Lord Jesus come!! Life is not okay apart from you! There is no peace, joy or hope apart from you-and for us to be with you-which is your desire and mine! I'm not in the Prayer Room for what He will do for me, or for my family or to make me lovely...but I do it because He is worthy to be adored. I have no other ambition but to adore Him.

I no longer live. I live for no other reason than to fulfill the purposes of God. I no longer live, and I feel more alive than ever before. I live to no other law than the law of unconditional love.

When I walk in His ways and commit my heart to him and give my life to him He does more than I could ask or think-He gives me strength when I am weak, He renews me, He gives me grace, He makes me able to love.

He is a person. The more I give myself to know Him, the more I want to be with Him. I exist for Him. I exist to love Him and receive His love back. It's His glory and mine. Jesus, You may conquer all my affections, all my time, and all my attention. You can conquer my life.

Friends on Fire

2011-03-31T15:18:00.005-04:00

"Here's to the crazy ones...the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently...You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things...they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."

"the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” -jack kerouac

Can I just tell you that I have some of the BEST friends?!? sigh* goodness, I just love love love them...A year ago today I met some of the most fantastic people who have ever walked this earth. I am so blessed, honored, and excited to partner with them over the years. Mhmm.

Proverbs 18:24 "...there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".

Thank you Jesus for this past year, thank you for these amazing friends,

and thank you for being my best friend. xoxo

They Tell of His Love

2011-03-25T15:55:00.005-04:00

"Praise Him, sun and moon; Praise Him, all you stars of light!"-Psalm 148:3

The sun, moon and stars are commanded to praise the Lord! So what do they tell us???

THE MOON

"the moon...the faithful witness in the sky."-Psalm 89:37

The moon signifies of His promises, and His faithfulness-even in the ultimate darkness.
The moon reflects the sun. So what does the sun tell us?

THE SUN

"The sun, which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber...
there is nothing hidden from it's heat."-Psalm 19:4-6

The sun tells us of the Bridegroom Jesus' love for us, His bride.
A blinding excitement and enjoyment. A furious, passionate, moving desire.

We can't get away from His love just like we can't get away from the sun's bright strength-even our attempts to block it out with sunglasses and SPF don't completely work!
Our attempts at resisting His love will eventually fail. He loves so well.

While walking to class today I was blinded by the sun and couldn't see people in front of me...

"In the multitude of my anxieties within me, your comforts blind my soul"-Psalm 94:19

His love and enjoyment blinds my views so that my anxieties fall to the side.
When I look at Him, my worries make no sense.
They are blinded in light of who He is and how He feels towards me.

Night and day the Lord reminds us of who He is, how He feels about us, and that in the darkest times, or the most anxious times looking to Him-all is well.

"In this world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."-John 16:33

One day there will be no more darkness. No more evil. No more pain. No more trouble.

"The light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold...in the day that the Lord binds up the bruise of His people."-Isaiah 30:26

The moon will not have to reflect his faithfulness in the dark, for the evil of the world will be no more, so the moon will just scream of His love!

"The sun shall no longer be your light by day, Nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you; but the Lord will be to you an everlasting light, and your God your glory. Your sun shall no longer go down, Nor shall your moon withdraw itself; For the Lord will be your everlasting light, And the days of your mourning shall be ended."-Isaiah 60:19-20

"The city had no need for the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light...there shall be no night there."-Revelation 21:23, 25

The Lord also sees the choices we make every day and if they're for Him-He sees our faithfulness to Him. He knows that we love Him. He sees our love.

"(the Beloved) Who is she who looks forth as the morning, Fair as the moon, Clear as the sun..."-Song of Song 6:10

"Then the moon will be disgraced and the sun ashamed; For the Lord of hosts will reign On Mount Zion and in Jerusalem And before His elders, gloriously."-Isaiah 24:23

They are reminders and pictures of us to hold on to while Jesus is away.
However, when Jesus comes to reign they will be disgraced and ashamed because they will be shown not worthy in being compared to His faithfulness and love for us when we see and grasp the fullness!

Isn't He absolutely wonderful?!?

"Give to the Lord the glory due His name."-Psalm 96:8

Running into Mercy

2011-03-22T21:01:00.012-04:00

Thank you God that I'm not the person I was yesterday.
Thank you that you delight in showing mercy.
Thank you that you don't merely tolerate me but that you actually are in this for me to have fullness! You actually enjoy me.

You restore my soul with your mercy. Every day.
Every second where I fall and think "oops..."
I thank you that you really are bringing me forth in faithfulness and in righteousness.
You really are changing my heart. You really are converting my soul.
You're giving me the mind of Christ, to think like Jesus!
You will finish what you started in me.
Its who you are, it's what you do-you are faithful and true.
You are merciful.

I keep running into mercy-it transforms me.

It transforms me to run to you in the multitude of my anxieties, sins, mess-ups, could have/should haves, and be fully accepted and loved.

You take my shameful soul and restore it to a joyful one free of worry, filled with peace.
Free of pain, full of hope.

I will wash myself in your blood.
I will accept what you've done and let you wash me in your blood.
I will dance in that blood, I will swim in your blood, I find joy in your blood.

There is delight in your blood!
I wash myself in your blood because I want to be like you!

You give me what I don't deserve.
You transform me into the image of the most caring, happy, kindest, faithful, true, gentle Man.
Thank you that its for the simple and I can achieve it.
Thank you.
Your gentleness really does make me great.

I won't ever give up running to you.
You are able. You are willing.

I keep running into mercy

....how it transforms me.

I Can't Stop Dancing!!!!!

2011-03-18T23:46:00.001-04:00

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!
ENJOY!! Jump in the river of joy!!!!
Let it overtake your soul while listening!!!

Let Him overtake you!!!

I love the phrase "deep cries out to deep". I've been thinking about it so much the past few days.

The longing for the spirit realm is a gift. The longing is placed inside of us by God. He doesn't dispise us longing and searching-He wants us to find Him! To find the Him that is truly Him! The happy, Holy, faithful, beautiful, lover that He is! He has placed that vaccum in our souls so that we find Him and see that we are only satisfied in Him! He is the fullness of joy! He is the happiest man alive! He is the most wonderful man alive! His thoughts are vast, they are amazing, they are faithful, true and can be trusted!

The deep parts of His heart long for a friend to partner with. The deep places in His heart call to the deep in our heart. Our hearts deep places call to deep places that only the One, true, living God can fill!

I am taking some time tonight, and I urge you to do the same, to listen to what He says about you, and what He has to say to the deep places. Listen to what His deep says to your deep.

and listen with ears open, untainted by what the world and people say. After all, people can tell you a lot about a person but until you actually meet and talk with them-that's when your own toughts of that person truly counts.

Never to "Grow-up"

2011-03-17T19:25:00.004-04:00

I can't wait to "grow up" so I can stop growing up and just be the child that I am....

Oh I want to run, run, run.....

109 days till the big move.

"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise,

and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the mighty..."

-1 Corinthians 1:27

"Let the little children come to Me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

-Matthew 19:14

He's chosen this foolish girl

full of a weak thing called love

to come before Him as His daughter

and enjoy all that is His.

*sigh*

Let Love Expolde

2011-03-08T23:05:00.003-05:00

"Let love explode and bring the dead to life!

A love so bold to see a revolution...a love so bold to bring a revolution."

"Let Heaven roar! Fire fall! Come shake the ground with the sound of revival!"

~

The past 3 days in the depths of my heart I am starting to really and truly believe it.

We can start a revolution.

Why can't we be the one's to begin a revial for Him?

Call me crazy, but I am really starting to believe it.

I am starting to live it.

I really believe it. To the point where it's not even being questioned in my thinking.

It's coming.

He's coming!

My God's not dead. Allelu!!

Psalm 11:7

2011-03-06T12:49:00.003-05:00

"For the Lord is righteous,

He loves righteousness;

His countenance beholds the upright,

and the upright behold Him."

-Psalm 11:7

I Refuse to Lose Heart

2011-02-28T19:52:00.005-05:00

I love when daily devotionals line up with what you are dealing with every day--especially when they are people like Oswald Chambers who can write with a wisdom and an understanding that I just don't have.

February 26-
"Where are you going to get your money from? How are you going to be looked after?...Beware of the pious fraud in you which says-I have no misgivings about Jesus, only myself. None of us ever had misgivings about ourselves; we know exactly what we cannot do, but we do have misgivings about Jesus...My misgivings arise from the fact that I ransack my own person to find out how He will be able to do it. My questions spring from the depths of my own inferiority....Lord, I have had misgivings about Thee, I have not believed in Thy wits apart from my own; I have not believed in Thine almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it."

February 27-
The thing that taxes almightiness is the very thing which we as disciples of Jesus outght to believe He will do. We impoverish His ministry the moment we forget He is Almighty.

February 29-
Our agony comes through the wilful stupidity of our own heart. We won't believe, we won't cut the shore line, we prefer to worry on.

The Lost Journal Entry...

2011-02-25T20:13:00.003-05:00

I was cleaning up a folder on my computer titled "Sermons/Talks"...(one day...)

I was organizing them into similar categories, and titles when I can across this document. It was from February of last year. This was when I was home for 3 months just resting and preparing my heart for the unknown. I wrote this on my computer in my tiny little room very late one night. The Lord was preparing me physically to get ready for the NightWatch at IHOP-KC, and so I would stay up late typing on my internet-less computer or watching a movie.

When I read this I smiled at the irony of it all. Here I sit a year later.
So here it is, the lost writings of my heart. =]

~~
The Lord’s making me dream again. Dreams I’ve stifled deep down. Put padlocks on, wrapped them with caution tape. But He dances around them saying “Let them free! Flutter Bird! Fly! Dream!!!” So many dreams...working in an organization, bandanas and dancing in the African dirt, raising up a youth movement across America, raising 20 kids and loving my husband...

But really, none of this matters. All I truly hope for will come to pass by loving and following the Lord. All promotion comes from Him-all advancement and justification.

Oh, how I want the BIG THINGS OF THE LORD! I want to know Him more and more. I want to be used in the craziest of ways. I want my songs to be songs that bring freedom. I want to live in the supernatural! It’s in those moments where I find ALL my satisfaction and all my excitement. He is so FUN!

But so often I look to the right and the left-especially to people around me. What they think, my social status, what (I know) that they are saying about me. I look see how every step I take towards the Lord makes me happier and makes the “cool” people more disgusted with me. I'm still like that middle school girl in the cool group only because of the boys who like her, but she-torn in heart-finds all her fulfillment when she hang out with the “losers”. But while the “cool” people and my relationships with them deteriorate I find lifelong friends whom I can have fun with, and talk deep with.

I’m so sick of trying to walk both lines-"are you cool or are you the loser?". I AM SICK OF PLEASING THEM! Because it doesn’t please me-it KILLS me-deep inside. JESUS PLEASES ME!! LOVING HIM IN RETURN FOR HIS LOVE SATISFIES ME LIKE NOTHING ELSE CAN! FORGET what you think of me and how you view me-you wouldn’t get my heart anyway! “Am I trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or If I were, I would not be a servant of Christ”-Gal 1:10

It’s all about the Lord and our relationship with Him. “As for those who SEEMED to be important they make no difference and add nothing to my message”-Galatians 2:6

Every word of Psalm 84 is my heart right now. I feel it so much I wind up yelling it during my time with the Lord! Oh how I would rather be a DOORKEEPER in the house of my God than dwell in the house the wicked! How I would be a crazy outcast with no friends rather than be "cool" and miserable.

I’m done trying to please other people and live “up” to their expectations and thoughts. I’d rather get lower, crazier, and more passionate. It’s much more satisfying and it’s there I find true friends and see the Lord.
HE IS WORTH IT ALL!!!! BAHHH PHILIPPIANS 3:8-15, 20.

I’m not going to set up my status on earth anymore-I’ll let the Lord bring me wherever He may-but I’ll set my status in the kingdom of God-as a furious, passionate, lover of the Lord!!!
~~~

Oh bird, you were made to fly. So flutter off, feel the wind, and ride it till you sing the song of the deep. till you sing the song on the heights.

xoxo

Think about it...

2011-02-10T21:48:00.004-05:00

"Our primary identity is not what we do with our hands but what we pursue with our hearts."

-M.Bickle

i can't stop watching this. especially when Melissa starts to sing.

Come Thou Fount

2011-02-09T09:25:00.002-05:00

I've always loved this song, and it was played quite often during my internship at IHOP-KC. Love the Phil Wickhman version (love Phil Wickham anything!!). May it be your song today!! xoxo

Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy praise.
Streams of mercy never ceasing call forth songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tounges above!
Praise His name I'm fixed upon it-Name of God's redeeming love.

Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to thee.
Let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart Lord take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

Seal it for thy courts above...

"Your Father, who sees in secret will reward you openly.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth,

where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal;

but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven,

where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."-matthew 7:19-21

Some desires...

2011-02-05T20:14:00.006-05:00

At some point in my life I'd really like a roof to sit on that overlooks the town/area I live. To just sit and sing....Mhmm.

And I'd love to also have access to some safely guarded, lovely woods to sit all hidden in and sing in....Mhmm. Mhmm...

and maybe one day I'll get dreadlocks...
xoxo

A Year Ago....

2011-02-01T21:14:00.002-05:00

A year ago this day, I was sitting on my bed facing my closest friend.

I was spouting off my worries, fears, and rattling concerns.

All of a sudden, He pulled me in close by my shirt collar.

He spoke words that cut to my soul.

He spoke words that smeared over my anxieties.

I haven't heard words since, that cut to the soul like those did.

He pulled me in by my shirt and said, "It's gonna be ok."

Here I sit a year later.

and looking back I find that it was ok.

More than ok.

Better than. =]

"In the abundance and multitude of my anxieties and thoughts within me, Your comfort smears over, blinds, and cries out to my soul"-Psalm 94:19

New Artists

2011-01-31T00:26:00.004-05:00

I am loving these artists. Both are more "underground" mucisians and are amazing! These songs have been on replay for quite a bit now....enjoy!!

caleb andrews

Fancher

Psalm 91

2011-01-30T17:26:00.002-05:00

I love looking up the Hebrew and Greek roots of Bible verses. It totally transforms a lot of words and brings a depth that far surpasses some descriptions...Here is Psalm 91 with some Hebrew/Greek explanations. When I'm scared in the natural or in the spiritual this is a great Psalm to read! Be blessed!!

Psalm 91
He who dwells (to remain, to inhabit, tarry, abide, to marry) in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress: My God, in Him I will trust." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence.

He shall cover (fence about, shut in, block, overshadow, screen, stop the approaching) you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near (approach) you. Only with your eyes shall you look, and see the reward of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge even the Most High your dwelling place, no evil shall befall (meet, encounter, approach, seek a fight) you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

For He shall give His angels charge (command) over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion (your enemies) and the cobra (satan), the young lion (evil places, towns) and the serpent (satan) you shall trample underfoot.

(God says) "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name (I will impregnate him with my nature-he will know how i am and how I work in his depths). He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, and show him My salvation."

Extreme Home Makeover!!

2011-01-29T20:37:00.002-05:00

Nominate the most beautiful, selfless family for an Extreme Home Makeover!

Read more about the Loux family from Missouri here and be moved!!

One.

2011-01-29T10:47:00.003-05:00

It's all about One.

It's done all for the One, and done for one.

One person a day.

I have 99 days left of college.

Tell one person everyday for the next 99 days that Jesus loves them.

Doesn't matter who.
Best friend. stranger. enemy.
Someone.
Tell one person everyday that Jesus loves them.

Why?

They're enjoyed, they're liked, they're looked at lovingly,

they're desired, they're being yearned for,

they have a bigger story they are needed for...

Jesus loves them.

Why not tell them?!

just one.

How hard can that be??..........

(let.the.reader.understand)

A Pondering

2011-01-22T22:47:00.003-05:00

So the Lord created our hearts.
He knows how much we can handle, what we like, what bothers us, and what gets us really giddy.

So the one who formed our inmost being says that We will be satisfied. He says we will be filled. He says that we can have the fullness of joy, and a peace that passes all understanding.

He formed us-so He knows what we have the ability of grasping...so that means these things are really within reach.

If we decide to seek Him out.

Stirring the Waters

2011-01-11T07:11:00.002-05:00

Living Water swallow me
Deepest river wash me clean
Jesus, Savior more of thee
Jesus, more of thee
Come and ruin me with your love
So no other is enough
Come and leave your mark on me
Jesus more of thee!

-"Friend For Life"--Watermark

"Thou art the God of the early mornings, the god of the late at nights, the god of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea;

but, my God, my soul has further horizons than the early mornings,

deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature-thou are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach ot the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot trace, dreams I cannot get at-my God, search me out."

-Oswald Chambers

The only thing that makes my heart come alive to the deepest part is searching out the Holy. All I want are clean hands, a pure heart, to be righteous, to be meek and lowly, to be humble in act and thought, to look on with mercy, to promote peace, and love in an undivided manner.

All I want is the knowledge of the Holy. I want something worth my time. Something that will transfer with me into the age to come. Everything else will fade away but what I know of His ways, the Kingdom view, the spiritual world-what I know about the one I call my Beloved and my Friend-that is what will follow me and be built upon in the age to come. There is no waste, no sacrifice in searching Him out and loving Him with my whole heart. He is worth the leaving, worth the "goodbye". There is a stirring inside of my soul. One that I cannot put away for another year, for another time. The time is now. If I do not let it, I fear it may be something I come to possibly regret...

What is this? What do I want? Where do I want to go? I have the freedom to go, I have the freedom to do whatever I want. No strings attached to anyone or anything. I can go wherever I want with whomever I want, meet whomever I want to meet. Whatever I will trade for the knowledge of the Holy-I willingly trade.

"God nowhere tell sus to give up things for the sake of giving them up. He tells us to give them up for the only thing worth having-life with Himself."-Oswald Chambers

I know that I'll be taken care of wherever I go. Even if I go very, very, very alone.

Matt 6:25-32 7:11
Luke 11: 9-10

Luke 12:3-7, 22-39

I JUST WANT TO FOLLOW THE LAMB!!!!!!!!!!!

ahem...pardon.

Road trip!!!! =]=]

2010-12-16T12:35:00.007-05:00

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the next week I am going on a little road trip (18+hours!!)

New York, Indiana, Kansas City and back!!

You can find me here: Global Prayer Room

I get to spend my week with some FANTASTIC PEOPLE!!!!

I could not be more excited!!!

Prayers for health, travel safety, joy, and FUN! would be so appreciated!!!
xoxoxo

Equally Yoked

2010-12-13T15:42:00.004-05:00

When I graduated High School, these verses were brought before me. I have always had a hard time understanding them and never really knew what they were getting at-except the fact that over and over again I would have to go my own way-and usually that's a different way from the one's that I love. Over the years, and once again, these verses are brought up.

Matthew 10:37

He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.

Mark 10:29-30
Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time-house adn brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions-and in the age to come, eternal life.

What is He after here? Why are we "not worthy" if we don't leave home, family, friends?? He's talking about our comforts: our reputation, our familiarities, and in some cases our actual friends and families.

Why? Because He is after an equally yoked Bride. He doesn't want to be married and spend eternity with someone who won't understand what it was like for Him to leave His comforts, His Father, His reputation. Having us go through the "cleaving" we understand (to a small extent) what it was like for Jesus to come to earth.

And He did it all for love!! To get us!

And I leave my family, my friends, my reputation, my comforts behind-

all for the sake of falling more in love with Him!

"Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am..."-John 17:24

"I'm after something more.

I'm after a heart that knows why mine beats as it does."

xoxo

It's like an illness...

2010-12-06T11:27:00.004-05:00

it really just comes at me from nowhere!!
I'm good and I'm fine then all of a sudden, it happens. I sit and I am lost in a whirlwind of dreams....

I sell everything I own except maybe 2 shirts, a pair of earrings, a skirt, my skinny jeans, and my toms and take all that money and go to Africa. Upon arriving my hair will be dreaded, I will give away my toms (they were only to get through security at the airport) and then... make a little home in a villiage somewhere and dance all day long. all day. and the air that i breathe will be full of melodies and songs and fires....

or

I sell everything I own except my coat, converse, pair of earrings, tshirt, skinny jeans. I take my money and buy a cheap car. With this car I travel from House of Prayer to house of prayer...stopping at coffee shops along the way, meeting people and writing down their stories, their hearts, and soul songs. I bring my guitar and sing. I sing and sing and sing and sing and sing...

~~
I trust You, how You'll lead me, 'cuz again and again

You have shown Yourself true.

I trust You, how You'll lead me, though the storms they will come,

I know You'll always be good.
You know just how to lead me,

You know how to perfect me,

You know how to mature me, and keep me fully in love.

~~~

Lose Your Life...

2010-12-04T11:46:00.003-05:00

"He who does not take his cross and follow after Me in not worthy of me.

He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake
will find it."

-Matthew 10:38-39

"He must increase, but I must decrease."

-John 3:30

"We do not look at the things which are seen,

but at the things which are not seen.

For the things which are seen are temporary,

but the things which are not seen are eternal."

-2 Corinthians 4:18

"If we died with Him, we shall also live with Him.

If we endure, we shall also reign with Him.

If we deny Him, He will deny us.

If we are unfaithful-He will still remain faithful to us."

-2 Timothy 2:11-13

"I count everything a loss compared to the glory of simply knowing Him."

-Philippians 3:8

"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?"

-Matthew 16:24-26

It's when I lose my life that I find true life.

It's when I'm not thinking about myself,

living for my own glory or my own fame

that I find I am alive and am living a life better than anything I had planned.

It's when I lose my life that I find true life.

A life that goes beyond my 70 years and into eternity.

Love.

2010-11-23T15:16:00.002-05:00

For my Mental Health paper, I had to write about some theories and spiritual aspects of my life that have been impacted by this course. Here are little tid-bits of my paper that share what has been on my heart lately.

~~~~~

I have been on a journey of love this semester. Learning how to love people who have hurt me, and learning how to love those I desire to love well. Most of all, it has been a journey of loving myself and loving God for who He created me to be. Without loving Him, I cannot love myself because I do not understand myself. If I do not love myself, I find it hard to love the One who created me. If I don't love myself, I do not know love. I cannot love other people if I don't know what love is. I am learning how I am loved by God, in all of my flaws and all of my greatness. I growing in my love for myself and my love for God, I am gaining and learning what love truly is. The only way I can other's love is from the overflow of a sincere heart in love. It takes love to love. It takes receiving love to give love...

I have many goals in my life. I am a "dreamer". I have a long list of nations, cities, towns, villages, people, careers, and actions written on my heart. I can do all of them! There is not a dream in my heart that cannot come true. I feel like my purpose in this life is to know love, and love well in return. The ultimate goal in my life is to go whatever places, and do whatever things I can do to learn more about love, and to love more. If this means moving to Africa and dancing in the dirt for three months, I will go. If this means getting married and having children at a young age, I will do it. I just want to love and love well....

I have learned that I have a heart that desires to live a life that excels in love. I want to love Jesus well; I want to love myself in my fullness. I want to be the greatest friend that I can be. I want to be an wonderful wife, and a fun mom,-and in all the stages leading up to those things I want to be the fullness of what I can be. I want to be an excellent lover and servant to people everywhere. I want to travel, I want to be alive in my mind, body and spirit every day of my life. All of my dreams, desires and secret journal entries come down to being excellent in love. 1 Corinthians 13:1-2 says "If I have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal…If I can understand all mysteries and have all knowledge…but have not love, I am nothing." As I have grown on my spiritual journey, I have come to fully agree with these statements. I can do anything I want to do, but if I do not carry out things with a heart filled in sincere, devoted love-then everything I have done will fade away. Any words I say, acts I do, things I accomplish will not stand or be substance if they are not done in sincere love. Anyone can do great things. But only really great people learn to love.

I have been reminded to lay aside anxiety and take up the things that are my portion: to receive love, and give love. I am made for love. We all are created so individually. No two people can love exactly the same way. No two people have the same love to give, and to receive. No one can love like I can because I am created uniquely....

~~~~~~

I have been thinking about love so much lately. These paragraphs sum up what I've been talking with the Lord about and thinking about. With life post-college getting closer and closer, I have begun to think about what I really want to do and where I really want to go. I have my long list of Africa, India, Spain, get married, play piano, lead worship, be a full-time Intercessor....but everything on this list comes down to love. The root of the reasons why I want to go to those places is because I want to go there to learn love. I want to get married to learn love. I want to be a full-time Intercessor to learn love.

God is love. Everything I want to do is because I want to know Him more. I want to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I want to love others because I sincerely love them, just like I sincerely love Him.

So, where will I learn love? Where will my heart become so cultivated and transformed by love that my heart operates in love at a level that is the fullest it can operate?

I am figuring out the answer...and I think I know the answer...You'll just have to wait and see...

xoxo

I think I'm such a "city girl"-HAH!

2010-11-20T15:16:00.010-05:00

I forget that I am not a city girl. Give me a field for a backyard. Take me into the woods to build a fort out of trees, and I'll love you forever. Sit with me on a rock and you'll hear my adventerous dreams. OOO I can't WAIT to go home!!!! =]=]=]

Storm King Mtn. (see the highway???)

(can't remember their name...haha)

West Point view! (My grandpa was a Stone Mason from Italy and He was in charge of all the stone work at West Point-and pretty much the whole thing is stone work!)

My sister actually lived in a little apartment part of the house back there.

Bannerman's Island

Vanderbuilt Mansion

For real, You all need to take a vacation here.

Running with Endurance-Part 3

2010-11-15T22:08:00.005-05:00

(just when I thought I understood all there was to understand...;])

Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,

who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,

despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself,

lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.

-Hebrews 12:2-3

Jesus was shamed. He was wrongly judged. He was laughed at. He didn't fit in. He was hated.

But He went through it all. He is the sovereign God, and could have gotten out of it at any moment. But He went through it all-offense less.

He did it to get a Bride. We are His Bride-gender doesn't matter-what is important is the position a Bride has to a Bridegroom.

A Bride has access to her Grooms emotions. She has a place of intimate partnership. She is the ultimate teammate. The best friend, and the lover.

He went to the cross knowing that He would get me. That He would get you. This is all unto being with us. It's all so we can be together. Forever!!

So I need to keep running toward Him-looking unto Him. Because it's not the goal line I am running towards-it is Him! It's not reaching the goal line where I win.

Running is winning.

It isn't the goal that's the win.

It's the run.

It's the choice to run.

Running is winning.

He won in His "running". His life, His death, His resurrection, His intercession, His future coming, and His reigning...

He stands in victory right now-but He's still running. He is not done. The story isn't done-we're not together yet. He's coming back and still has big plans for us! Plans of JOY!!!

He wins because He never gave up. He wins because He's still running. He's running to get to be with me. I win because I'm running to be with Him.

"Jealousy is a husbands fury..."-Proverbs 6:34

All He wants is me. All I want is Him. We are two lovers in passionate pursuit of each other. I just want to be with Him. And EVERYTHING He has done since the dawn of time has been to steal my heart from every other lover and thing I could fill my time with.

"We love Him because He first loved us."-1 John 4:19

He saw me. He loved me. He caught my eye with His love, His pursuit, and His faithful devotion. He caught me, and He's got me.

So I run. Because He's running and He decided to run in pursuit of my heart.

so I run. and I run. and I run....with a huge smile on my face.

May you run YOUR race with endurance, with joy. May you look unto Jesus and call to your mind that He is still running today in pursuit to be with you forever. I pray that your soul will not become weary or discouraged, and when so that it would look at His running feet, and that you would be granted the endurance to do the same.

xoxo

Running with Endurance-Part 2

2010-11-10T19:09:00.005-05:00

I want to quit. I want to quit everything-except Him. Most days I want to find a field somewhere, go there with my guitar and never leave. Me, Him, and no one else. I can't love people anymore-I need Him to teach me how. I feel my levels of compassion, mercy, and plain kindness being worn. Maybe to the outside world they look the same as always, but from my angle they're wearing thin.

But He tells me to run. He tells me to run hard. To not quit. To stay and learn about Him. Because here is where I learn about kindness-when I have none to give. It's where I learn mercy-when I have none. I see it. Everywhere I look I see His kindness, I see His love, I see His compassion on the individuals...and even if I just sit back, have no feelings towards them at all-I feel His feelings...and I am beginning to think that this is teaching me more than any other season ever before.

So, He tells me to run.

Run to Him. Run because in the race I will get to know Him. He is my prize. This is what I was made to do-get to know Him, love Him, and be loved by Him.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air.

-1 Corinthians 9:24-26

But I feel like I can't. I feel like I am going to fall. Like it's all going to fall apart...again. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I'd rather just stay and be with you and never leave. ever. How can I possibly go this much longer?

When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble.-Proverbs 4:12

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.-Proverbs 18:10

I will wait. I will run and I will wait. I don't know how I will but I will. I will run.

I will run the course of Your commandments, For You shall enlarge my heart.-Psalm 119:32

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.-Isaiah 40:31

Oh Jesus, give me grace and give me strength to do what you have called me to do. Keep my gaze fixed upon you. Let me not grow tired and anxious but let me continually see the joy and the purpose in this...I need you, I need your strength. There is only one way I can do this:

Let us lay aside every weight,

and the sin which so easily ensnares us,

and let us run with endurance

the race set before us,

looking unto Jesus.

-Hebrews 12:1-2a

If I look unto Jesus, this race is a joy. If I look at my work, my social status, my being-I can't run. But looking unto Him-it is a joy because it's all about Him. It's all for Him. It's all with Him!! Looking at Him-I begin to run without realizing it because all I want is to be next to Him forever and ever. I want to be closer to Him than anyone! When I look at Him all my anxieties fall to the side. When I look to the one who overcame, to the one who stands in victory I find that my worries make no sense. My anxieties have no hold. So once again, I lift up my eyes again to the One who stands on high. I recall to my mind that every choice I am making right now, is preparing me to rule and reign at the side of my Husband.

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me. Depression has lost it's grip on me. My name is engraved on His hands. No power of hell and no scheme of man could ever pluck me from His hands. The work of the cross was more than enough! I am already free. It was done on the cross. The chains that bind me today were broken when He died and rose again. They're around me, but all I have to do is look unto Him and in my worship, and in my love for Him-they fall off. They simply fall because they have no hold on me.

I just have to keep running. I just have to follow the Resurrection. I just have to follow the Lamb. Wherever He goes.

and really that's all I long for. Running after the Lamb wherever He may go.

I just forget that when I'm here...This is my confession:

I will run hard this race, reaching for the prize:

I am Yours, and You are mine.

I will run in the path of Your commands, You will surely enlarge my heart.

I will make Your law daily my delight.

Just let me not wander from Your ways, let it be my delight to obey.

There is no greater joy than knowing Your name!

xoxo. draw me away. and I will run after you.

Running with Endurance--Part I

2010-11-08T09:04:00.003-05:00

Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus...-Hebrews 12:1-2a

I will run the course of Your commandments, For You shall enlarge my heart-Psalm 119:32

I have been staring at these two verses for the past 2 days. This is part I because I am in no way ready to write about these verses because the mere sight of them undoes me...more soon. maybe.

My thoughts tonight in music form...

2010-11-07T19:17:00.002-05:00

Dave Mathhews Band-You&Me

Sugarland-Every Girl Like Me

Brooke Fraser-Jack Kerouac

Sara Groves-He's Always Been Faithful

Kristene Mueller-All My Devotion

LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!

Hillsong-Forever Reign

Psalm 94:19

2010-11-04T10:10:00.003-04:00

This is happening to me a lot. I read a verse and I'm like HELLO! Where have you been the past 21 years of my life!?!?!? haha

In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.

another translation plus the greek and hebrew meanings goes on to say:

In the abundance of my thoughts within me,

Your consolation smears over, blinds, and cries out to my soul.

HELLO!!!???

His comfort, His lovingkindness, and His joy in the midst of our craziness cries out to us.
His comfort smears over our anxiety and our thoughts. He wipes it away with His love.
His comfort is blinding. When I turn to it's cries, It blinds me so that my anxieties all disappear and all I can see is His beauty.

So for all of us who have thoughts running or filled with anxiety today, I pray that the Lord would come and His comfort would delight your soul.

xoxoxoxo

Have a great week!!

2010-10-31T18:15:00.003-04:00

May this week be a huge blessing for you all! May you find yourself with songs to sing, thankfulness in your heart, and dancing feet!! xoxoxo

day 21-piccie of you

day 22-favorite city: NEW YORK!! then Rochester and then Baltimore Maryland

day 23-favorite vacation: Disney with the bests-all 3 times we went together!

(24 days till I go home to suprise my family!

48 days till I go on a big road trip!

195 days till I am a college graduate and have 2 degrees!-sounds fancy...it's not. haha)

Never Fails Me!

2010-10-30T15:33:00.004-04:00

Day 17-Something you're looking forward to::
I am looking forward to a near road trip!!! details....in the making. =]=]

Day 18-Something you regret::
live and you learn!

Day 19-Something you miss::
IHOP. the Prayer Room. The people.

Day 20-Nicknames
Ham (initials), Hammy, Hamalammadingdong, Heath, Smiley, Kodak girl...

xoxo Be blessed, and remember that you still drip with the Blood of the Lamb!!

Dree-am, dream, dream, dream...

2010-10-27T00:26:00.003-04:00

(song)

I have to get up super early tomorrow but I can't seem to settle my heart down. I just stared at my poster map of Africa and drew little hearts on the countries that I've prayed for or felt something for. Who knows if I will ever set foot in that land, or see the places that I picture in my head. All I know is that today my heart is beating to the sound of drums. My blood is flowing from the giggles and screams. And my spirit leaps at the songs of His goodness.

Today, day 16 of the blog challenge, is describe your dream house. I thought about this today and here are a few things I would love:

1-a chalkboard fridge! (google it!)--and it's easy-buy a cheap, used fridge, may not look the best but works well=paint it with chalkboard paint. You've got a fun, artsy, cool thing to write sweet notes to the teammate on! ;]

2-I always wanted a small room or cozy corner/window seat in the house that is designated as my space to be with the Lord in. I want one for me and one for my husband, as well as each of the kids. All have our little space in the house that is ours, that we make ours, and that we know we will be "left alone" and get to be with Abba.

3-Lots of room for fort making. I have decided-as of lunch today-that fort making will be a mandatory part of the day for my children. 12pm-lunch, 1 pm-reading time 2pm-Fort making 230-discussion of fort making and discussion on Jesus inside of the fort 3pm-fort tear-down 330pm-dance party.....yep. I like it. =]

xoxoxo

O Praise Him!

2010-10-24T02:02:00.004-04:00

Day 13-Goals
To love, to love, to love!!

Day 14-A picture you love
This is one of my best friends Jake. I'm standing on the left. It was taken by His girlfriend (my other best friend) Danica during a worship set in the Prayer Room towards the end of my internship at IHOP-KC. I miss them and love them, and the Prayer Room, and Jesus!!

Day 15-Favorite Bible verse (or 3 of the many...)

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."-Philippians 3:7-11

"Yes, He is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend."-Song of Solomon 5:16

"Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies...The Lord is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and quick/abounding in love"-Psalm 103:4, 8

xoxoxo

There is no one like you!
You stand alone!
Father of Beauty!
Excellent Glory!

Day 12-"What You Believe"

2010-10-22T00:05:00.002-04:00

I believe in Jesus, that He was once dead, is now alive, is coming back and will walk with us once again in the fullness of Joy.

I believe that He came to give glory and honor to God the Father, and to bring us a helper, a counselor, a teacher, and a guide the Holy Spirit.

I believe we were created for love. That we were made to receive love, and give love back with all our heart, soul, and strength.

I believe that no one else can love like you, because each one of us is created so uniquely that we all love in a unique way.

I believe in things like joy, love, hope, faith, dreaming, awakening, and being alive. and I believe that all these things are real and available with a "yes, i accept".

I believe in dancing, I believe in singing, I believe in declaring, and I believe in crying.

I believe in prayers. Even 20 second prayers go up before His throne, and He is so moved that we talk to Him that they get answered.

I believe that God is a God of Joy. That is He fun. That He is still Holy and "God", but He is also a man.

I believe that He is moved by one glance of our eye. That he is ravished by our words and our love. That He yearns for everyone. That He delights in our hearts, He enjoys our personality, He loves us, He even likes us! I believe that He takes no delight in death of one single person-because everyone is made uniquely and with a purpose, a destiny, and a song. He wouldn't have created you if He didn't want to enjoy you and have fun with you.

This is just some of what I believe. But I believe it. Because it's true.

xoxoxox

Lalala...

2010-10-20T20:55:00.003-04:00

Day 10 -Something You're Afraid Of:
Not pleasing my Abba.

Day 11-Favorite TV Shows
Full House, Boy Meets World, Saved by the Bell, Family Matters
TGIF/90's kid much?!?

Song for you all that I am lovin'!
(Brooke's whole cd is pretty foot-tappin' fantastic)

Catch up!

2010-10-18T23:30:00.004-04:00

Day 7-favorite movie

While You Were Sleeping

Meet the Robinsons

Day 8-Place you've traveled to

Kansas City, MO for my internship with The International House of Prayer. I think that everyone should spend an at least 2 hours of their life sitting in that prayer room just crying. Because that's what happens.

Day 9-Picture of your friends

KC loves

Bport loves

xoxo

Day 6

2010-10-15T21:40:00.005-04:00

A picture of something that makes you happy

idky but this picture just stirs many emotions in my heart.

Have a blessed day!!! My 4 day vacation has begun and I am SO excited!! =]=]

Day 5-My Siblings

2010-10-15T01:41:00.005-04:00

my siblings are two amazing people!

Holly is 8 years older than me. I refer to her as "Howeeeee" because she spent a summer teaching english in China, so i just say her name in an accent all the time. She is an 11th and 12th grade history and economics teacher. She's amazing, totally smart, totally cool. Type A, but loosening up ;] haha I love being with her and doing so many fun things together. She is so much fun!

Josh is turning 17 soon! (OY!) My "Joshie-poo" in 11th grade-super smart and super talented. He is looking at being a music major. He is so gifted and dedicated! He's been my best friend since he's been born and I loveee him!

Day 4-My Parents

2010-10-14T20:40:00.005-04:00

I LOVEEE my parents!! Doug and Rosemary! Dad is a worship leader and retired stone mason/builder/i can do anything and everything and i really can man! Mom is a 5th grade teacher at the public school district and is the best in her building!

They taught me so much and I love growing in my love and appreciation for them over the years. I also love seeing them walk into their callings and giftings as they head into their 60's. The Lord's hand is all over them and because of thier faithfulness, their prayers, their love, and their actions-His hand is all over me!!! LOVE THEM!!! and miss them so much!!

30 day challenge!

2010-10-13T21:21:00.005-04:00

Found this via Ashley at Life is Beautiful via Katie's Journey

Join in the fun!!! =]

Day 1: Introduce/Piccie/15 facts

I'm Heather. I'm a senior in college. I am double majoring in Interpersonal/Organizational Communications and Health Science. I LOVE Jesus. I love to sing, dance, talk about the "deep stuff", take piccies, have fun, and be girly. I am graduating in May and then will move to Kansas City, Missouri to join the International House of Prayer out there. Just got back from an internship out there and I can't wait to go back!!!!

1-I love bows 2-I am obsessed with pinky finger nails-they're just cute! 3-i make a calender for each month 4-i make a detailed hour calender for each day 5-i love my friends! 6-i am obsessed with baby clothes 7-i wanna have a bunch of children 8-i want Jesus more than anything or anyone 9-i have a love/hate relationship with facebook 10-i want to live in Africa 11-i have a fish, Seraphim 12-I love argyle socks 13-coffee is my friend 14-i chew 1/4 of a piece of gum after every meal 15-i like sending silly picture texts more than anything else on my phone

DAY 2-Meaning behind blog name

My blog name comes from a song by Matt Redman called "Dancing Generation". The bridge goes "it's the overflow of a forgiven soul, and now we've seen you God-our hearts cannot stay silent." I have to dance and jump when I think about the Lord just from my overflow of excitement and love for Him. It's my prayer that our generation will be one of overflowing hearts-full of dancing!

DAY 3-first love

I fell in love with Jesus when I was 4 but......
Taylor Hanson...this is him recently....i was dedicated when he looked like this....my 3rd grade locker was filled with pictures of him....

join in tomorrow for day 4 of: my parents!!! the most wonderful people on earth!!! =]=]

Oh Me, Oh my, Oh Heather...

2010-10-04T14:21:00.003-04:00

As I walked with a smile through puddles with my new yellow and blue plaid rainboots, I felt nice and warm under my yellow raincoat. I decided I didn't want my umbrella. In fact, I decided that I wanted to give it to someone walking by. I didn't just decide this I was overwhelmed, compelled, and gonna burst! Jesus, PLEASE send me someone who is wishing they had an umbrella right now. Send me the person who is soaked through.

I walk out of class headed for my 2pm coffee. "well, I should just wait 2 more hours until I can get free coffee to get me through the rest of my night" So I turn around sighing at how I have to walk 20 more feet through the downpour when suddenly she walks by. In leggings, short dress, and scarf. All about as thin as paper and drenched. She looks like she might cry or keel over from the frigid air and soping clothes. I wide-eyed begin to, naturally, walk over to her and give her my umbrella and hug her to bits.

But I swerve and continue to walk. I yell at myself and begin the internal struggle that's gone on almost everyday for the past 3 weeks. I look back to see her jumping over the puddles rushing to get inside the Union.

I could turn around.

but what would they think of me turning around?

I should've gone and handed it to her.

but what would they think of me approaching this girl??

The same thing happened with that boy in the dining hall, with that girl in class, with that boy in the hallway, and with that friend. The same thing every day!

It's never them I fear. It's always the people who might see. The ones who might be around and who might be watching.

Then I have to deal for the rest of the day with the resounding echo of how these people might have just felt a little more love that day if I had done what I know is the right thing to do, what I know I love to do, what I know they need, and what I know is a kiss to them from Him. I should have, I will, I should have, I will, I should have.....I might??

I spend the rest of my day yelling at myself, disgusted at how grotesque I am for being so worried what the people behind me will think. In reality, there is no one even walking behind me or looking at me!!

So dear blogging world-Pray for boldness. I want to die to myself more and more everyday, because it's not about me and it's all about loving and serving. However, the more I desire this, the more self consumed I look to myself. I am self consumed, self obsessed, so ugly in heart and in desperate need of Him.

However, you know what I love?? And what I do not deserve? His mercy. Because I walk away from these incidents where I don't please my Abba Daddy and I don't make Him smile...and I KNOW that in those moments I don't. Yet 10 minutes later He gives me something I have been waiting weeks for. Something that says "I hear you, I told you, I love you, and my goodness Heather, I like you!!" He still enjoys me. Even in my stupid times of acting like a self-obsessed, "what will they think of me" teenager. He still likes me. And as I get ready to walk outside once again, I believe He's gonna put someone in my path. Someone who I can give my umbrella to. Someone I can say something to. Someone I can kill more of "me" for.

We're turning 21 on wednesday. this is coming to an end.

No longer, Heather. No longer.....

I don't get what I deserve, Hallelujah-You've given me mercy, and Your mercy will be remembered for ever!

Psalm 103:1-5, 8, 10-17
"Bless the Lord, O my soul; And ALL that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O My soul, and forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things...

The Lord is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in mercy.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father pities his children, So the Lord pities those who love Him.
For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting...

"Obey" by Sarah Edwards

2010-09-14T22:55:00.006-04:00

Your burden it is easy and Your yoke it is light.
You are meek and lowly, You are gentle, You are kind.
Every one of your commands they lead my heart to life.
When I obey I find life.

So teach me all Your ways O God,
Please show me Your paths.
Come unite my heart to fear Your name.
Let there be no sin in me
that would keep me from this prize.
Because I love I will obey

It's my joy to love,
It's my joy to obey.
You can have all my heart,
You can have all my praise.
I will give you my life.
I will run hard this race,
Reaching for the prize.
I am Yours-
You are mine.

I will run in the path of Your commands
You will surely enlarge my heart.
I will make Your law daily my delight.
Let me not wander from Your ways
Let it be my delight to obey,
There is no greater joy than knowing Your name

~~~

Jesus, You are my prize. It is my honor to give You my love.

It's not a sacrifice. It's not an issue.

It's not too hard. It's not too difficult.

At Your feet alone is where I find life. There is no greater joy than knowing You.

~~~

Psalm 42

2010-09-11T17:47:00.004-04:00

My new favorite thing is to take apart Psalms and look up the words in Hebrew and Greek to see what the root of the words are...Here is Psalm 42:7,8, and 11

7-Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
(abyss/immeasurable deapth summons, crys out, invites, commissions, gives name to abyss)

8-The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, And in the night His song shall be with me-A prayer to the God of my life.
(charge, give order to, appoint, ordain)

11-Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.
(health-what makes my countenance lift up)

probably my favorite part of the psalm is v.8. He promises us that His mercy, faithfulness, goodness, and His favor are chasing us down. All because He just wants them to! He wants to love us. All day long they will be chasing us down and "showing up" in our life. In the night (*enter large smile associated with the NightWatch*) His songs will be with us. That in the Hebrew is talking about the Levitical songs that the Levites-the Priests who kept the Lord's temple and who's occupation was to sing, worship, play their instruments, and take care of the building all day long-their song will be our song in the night. Ahhhh, I love it. =]

100th post

2010-08-27T19:07:00.007-04:00

I feel like I should have some life-changing post because it's my 100th blog. But I don't haha. I'll just leave you with song lyrics that describe the state of my heart these days....absolutely in love!!!

If I never walk on water, If I never see the miracles

If I never hear Your voice so loud

Just knowing that You love me is enough to keep me hear

Just hearing those words is enough to satisfy

You do, you do, you satisfy

I couldn't leave-even if I tried.

I must have You! I must have You!!

(ignore the pics, just listen haha)

check out my friend Emily's blog-she wrote about a crazyy night we had this week!! =]
"Revelation"

be blessed.
xoxoxoxo

Senior Year...

2010-08-22T23:24:00.006-04:00

Dear Senior Year at B-Port:

Hello! It's Heather. I know it's been quite awhile since I have graced your sidewalks. 9 months to be exact. Have you forgotten the sound of my rainboots? I have missed you, but have found my heart has moved on. We both knew that this began 2 years ago. It's been coming. When I ran off to a foreign land last winter in hopes of settling our differences miles away, I found that my heart settled-but our differences didn't. Oh well. Somethings just aren't meant to be, I suppose...We're not perfect for each other. But we will make it work. I will work hard at this, and I know that you will do your best through the fun memories we will create. Here is a little list of things I do request be present these next 265 days...

-photoshoots, lots and lots of photoshoots.

-lots of Jitterbugs window time. It's been 9 months. no one has better touch my seat...

-I would like to find new rooms and places on campus to explore and get lost in.

-Hide and Seek in the library stacks

-I would like to have lots of talks that are from the soul

-I want to laugh, I want to have lots of peace, I want to have lots of smilessss

I want to make it through...I need to!! I promise, I won't run away from you this year. I needed to, and now I feel like I can stay...for the next 265 days at least...

with so much fond love...cheers to the beginning of our end!

-Heather xoxo

fmi (for my information)

2010-08-22T22:35:00.002-04:00

Comparison is death to your calling.

Comparing kills who I am.

Comparing leads to the death of me,

because I end up trying to be someone else

and live out their calling or the life they were given...

Comparing kills me.

Comparison is death to my calling.

just thought I'd remind myself....

Let's Be Real...

2010-08-09T22:50:00.003-04:00

"What do you want to do?"

Oh that fearful dreaded question. Now that I am in my last year of college, it is asked quite often. My answer varies depending on what function I am at or who I am talking to. But most of the time it revolves something around working with an organization. Vague, and not entirely false, but not even a dent into the surface of my heart. It's getting to a point where I can't stand it anymore. I can't hide it anymore. The next person who asks me is in for the waterfall of awakenings...When the question is asked this list runs through my mind:

-I want to get as close to God as anyone has ever dared to go

-I want to get married and have a huge-hunka family

-I want to be the most encouraging, loving, wonderful, best friend/teammate/wife that I can be

-I want to have my kids raised by and in the Spirit and be barefoot and wild! ;]

-I don't want to work

-I want to read book after book after book

-I want to go to Africa and Haiti

-I want to spend a majority of my life being a part of the Prayer Movement

-I want to be a chorus leader on a worship team

-I want to write a book of the things the Lord has told me about

-I want to help start a House of Prayer

-I want to learn to love people with the fullness of my heart-I am far from it!

-I want to learn how to balance humility and honesty

-I want to live my life on earth for my life in the New Jerusalem

-I want to see revival

-I want to be a Martyr

But if I dare to look into the depths of my soul. If i listen to the cries of my spirit. If I look to the emotions of my heart-they all echo the same melody. I really do want to spend my life doing one thing and one thing alone.

What do I want to do?

I want to know God to the fullest extent that I can possibly know Him.

I want to live out what He says is the way to live,

and in doing so I want to fall more in love with Him and see more of Him.

I want Him and nothing but Him.

ALL of Him.

In this journey that may mean getting married, having kids, going to Africa

or it might not.

As long as I get Him I don't care.

I don't care if I get married.

Honestly, I don't.

I don't care.

I just want Him.

I want Him all of my days.

I will never settle for anything less than what will get me to Him.

Whatever that looks like

whatever that feels like-because i am sure it won't feel lovely on certain days

but whatever it's like

I WANT IT.

because I want Him.

only Him.

This is what I want to do with my life.

"Something In the Water"

2010-08-04T19:59:00.002-04:00

I LOVE Brooke Fraser, and I have been eagerly awaiting her new album "Flags". It's gonna be released on October 12th!! Until then I will keep busy playing this song over and over again! It's so different from her normal sound...but I still love it!!

ENJOY!! xoxoxoxo

You make me smile like the sun...

2010-08-01T21:06:00.010-04:00

Here are a few things that are making me smile as I am getting ready to head off to dream land...

Oh, lovely ones have a beautiful sleep...xo

ps-know what makes me most happy right now?!?!
JESUS and some very special people...=]=]=]

Romans 8

2010-07-27T08:36:00.002-04:00

As I find myself ready an hour and 1/2 before my class starts (how do these things happen!?!?) I decided that I would spend some time blogging what I am meditating on this morning. This was probably the Bible passage that struck my heart during my 3 months at IHOP.

I was reading Romans 8 and as I read, the Spirit pointed out to me that the order of these verses are VITALLY important! These verses are perhaps, some of the best known Bible verses-and they are! But when they are linked with the other verses around them, they take on life!

Romans 8:27-37 NKJV

Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
Moreover whom he predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies.
Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?...
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

Why are we more than conquerors? How are we more than conquerors? (v. 37)
Because of His love! Because nothing can get between us and God! Why? (v.36)
Because God became a Man, died taking all of sins and pain, and then He rose again and is praying for us, our lives, and our souls! (v. 35) Why does He pray for us?
Because we are His elect! We are His children, and He justifies every wrong done against us! (v. 34) Why does He justify us?
Because He cared about us so much that He sent His Son to die on our behalf, and so we can trust that He will take care of us! (v. 33) What is the result of Him taking care of us?
No one can be against us because the God who created Heaven and earth is rooting for us individually!! (v.31) Why is He rooting for us?
Because He chose us, called us, and pulled us up out of our messy lives to see the beauty that is all around us and in Him! (v.30) Why??
All because God wants to be with man! He just wants to be with us. He just wants a family. A Bride for His Son. (v.29) So since we're being pursued by His love and have such an important role in this story-what?!?
So, everything works in our favor if we say 'yes' to falling in love with this Man and letting Him win our heart day in, and day out. (v. 28) How can we believe this?
Because He is praying for us!! (v. 27) We don't need to worry!! We just need to enjoy the journey and let Him love us, and fall in love in return!

Every verse is based/refers to the one before it!! It happens throughout this chapter, and the bible but these specific verses just get me!!!

God is for ME! that phrase is so powerful in itself, but thinking about and building off of these verses-we see why He is for us. We realize that He isn't just for us like a cheerleader, but this is what He does. He is praying for us, died for us, lived for us, called us, loved us....
Now that phrase means so much more! His whole story emanates that He is for me!

Pick out a verse and see the power behind each of those words!

In light of all this:
"I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created things, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."-Romans 8:38-39

Jesus, I ask that you would pour out Your love upon these readers today. Bless them and let them see that NOTHING can separate or take Your love from us. May you give them the grace and the strength to say 'yes' and open their hearts to your love today.

Blessings upon blessings! xoxoxoxo

IHOP-KC debriefing...

2010-07-18T23:06:00.003-04:00

Here it is folks! My debrief on my 3 months spent in Kansas City, MO interning at the International House of Prayer.

As I began to type this post, I found myself deleting everything I typed...the tenderness that my heart has for this past season is like none other. The Lord brought me out of 3 years of pain, hurt, misunderstandings, confusion, and just plain sadness. But in those 3 years He kept telling me about a time where I wouldn't even remember the sadness because life would be so filled with joy. A time where my heart wouldn't ache with pain, but would ache with utter happiness. A time where I would sing a new song-where songs I sang in faith would be lyrics to songs about what I see happening in my life. Jan-March He restored my soul, and continuing into now He is restoring my life. He spoke of a time where I would be built up again-"better than before". He spoke of times where He said my heart would dance again. Where I would laugh.

The past 3-almost 4-months, I have been living this! I can't help but get overwhelmed by my life. I couldn't have changed these situations and relationships. I tried, and I couldn't. Only He could, can, and did! I am so happy. Joyful-yes, I've been joyful over all 3 years. Joy isn't something that is laughter, and jumping. It's something much deeper-a peace, a security, a stillness. I've got the Joy, had the Joy, feel the Joy, love the Joy....but I am happy. I am content. I am oh so satisfied!

My heart is just too in love with all the personal things the Lord did and told me so I honestly can't post them. It's just a treasure between us. =] But I can tell you one thing...He was right. He was right all along. He knew all along. Those days I'd literally run away to escape everything and found Him running beside me whispering those words to me...He was right. He is THE faithful witness. He does not lie.

Some good tid-bits from classes:

-Don't shut the door on something just because it doesn't make sense-controversy doesn't mean that something is not of the Lord. The darkness just hates the light.

-We are the most aimless generation, yet we have the most direction in the Bible for our time.

-The honor we have as Sons and Bride brings so much responsibility. There is a glory but a weight of responsibility that comes with a family name.

-The opposite of anxiety is prayer.

-Prayer is not the means to an end-it is the end. It is the treasure! It's not your hopping stone on to bigger and better things-it is the end. It is where Life is. It is where we're all headed-it's not a tool in your belt. It's your clothing.

-It is safer with Him facing your fears, than without Him in comfort. (song of songs 2:8-17)

-He knows the difference between rebellion and immaturity, sincere and insincere. He doesn't care about maturity-He cares about sincerity of your heart and says 'i can work with this!'

-It's not sin to wrestle with God-the "deciding" factor is where your feet land-in sin or in His arms...He's a daddy, He loves to wrestle!

-He loves not because we say yes, and not because we're 'good', but because it IS Him.

-Your inner man grows like your natural body grows. Take the time to put fuel into the car instead of pushing it.

-Speaking the truth in love doesn't mean "Hey, i love you but-" it means bringing truth forth in patience, and kindness while hoping and believing all things.

-Those who have not pondered God, have not pondered reality.

-The human heart was created to know that we are enjoyed and liked by God. The enemy wants to confuse us because if we buy it, we will settle for second best and not pursue Him. If you feel you will get rejected you will run from that relationship. It's the same with the Lord. But He doesn't reject you. He actually likes you.

-Jesus didn't come to help me find who I am-He came to tell me who He knew I was!

-Jesus is coming back to earth. soon. He isn't coming back for revenge, although at times it may look that way. He is coming back to set things right for those who have been wronged and to give glory to the Father.

-He is a God of vengence, not vindictive! He is using the least severe means possible, to bring the greatest number of people to the deepest level of intimacy without violating anyones free will.

He's amazing.
xoxo

thoughts...

2010-07-12T21:36:00.004-04:00

In thinking about my future marriage, to whomever it may be-there is one thing I hope that we do together and to be honest, I am VERY excited about....I really am excited to brush our teeth together!!!

Doesn't this couple just look like it's so much fun!! ;] haha no, but for real...its gonna be a blast!!

xoxo IHOP debrief still to come...the self debrief is taking quite awhile...=]

just an fyi...

2010-07-05T19:57:00.003-04:00

it's official.

My heart is alive.

and I am in love.

Not with someone, or something.

But I am in love.

With everyone, and everything.

It's probably just my love with Jesus...but oh this feels goood!!

but it does make "love love" that much love-lier...

it feels something like this....

blog debrief on IHOP coming soon....

xoxoxo

Oh IHOP you have my heart....

2010-04-21T21:53:00.002-04:00

I love it here.

I have such a huge desire to update you all and to talk to you all and to skype you all-however, my days are so weird being on the night schedule, and they are jam packed busy. so i am taking this time out to sit in Higher Grounds cafe, get myself a cookie and write you. because i miss you.

let me set the scene for you a bit. I wake up at 2/3pm everyday and i hang out till about 4 in my apartment. Lovely apartment mates! Blessed with an amazing roomate! At this time I head over from our apartments to the IHOP missions base. A place flooded with singers, mucisians, soul searchers, and spirit lovers....ohh...=] Dinner is soon after this, then we usually have class/break/or a service. then another class/break/service and then from 12midnight until 6am we get to spend time with Jesus! We go into the prayer room and sing, dance, read, cry, laugh...and I find that 6 hours isn't enough for this heart...

Everything I wanted the Lord to answer/give me clarilty on over these 3 months-He did in the first week! haha Lets just say in my time here, He is going above and beyond my expectations and really bringing me into what He wants me to do with my life....

I'm sorry this is so short and not detailed and pretty lousy haha But know that I love you, I am praying for you and thinking of you often, and I can't wait for the day when we can sit and cuddle up with a cookie of our own and tell tales of our hearts over these three months.

I miss you and I love you all. very dearly.

freedom to you.

The guitar strumming coming from the chairs outside is too much for me to resist...

xoxoxoxoxo

I'm ready to dance...

2010-03-19T12:13:00.002-04:00

Dear friends,

Let me update you on my heart during this season.

1-I’m going to IHOP in 10 days!
2-I’ve never felt this sense of purpose and timing in my life before. Everything I do, everywhere I go, and everything/one I see is a specific thing that I am supposed to do. It’s not just a thing on my list or a coincidence. EVERYTHING has a huge weight of purpose on it. It’s true. It overwhelms me.

I have learned so much in these 3 months here at home. Things about myself, what I want, what I like, things about other people, and mostly things about the Lord. During these three months the Lord has completely restored my soul. Just like Psalm 23:3 says “He restoreth my soul”. I looked at a poster in my room that says this other day and those words hit my heart so hard. HE has restored my soul. Nothing I could’ve done could ever have healed the broken places in my heart. Nothing I could have done would have mended the relationships that were beyond repair. Nothing could have brought me back. Nothing except Him!

I felt Him begin to restore my soul this past summer. These 3 months were the last intense, sweet, peaceful finishing touches. Life happens, we make mistakes, and we choose to carry bitterness instead of lay it down. Before I knew it my heart wasn’t the same-I wasn’t the same-and I had rough edges towards people, situations, things I didn’t understand, and mostly towards myself. The choices I made stole my full joy, my self-esteem and worth, and my dreams. Over the past few years I would be found saying to one of my closest friends, “I used to not be like this”.
Having the time now to sit and fully check my heart and soul with the Lord, I find that the things I felt I had “lost”, I have gained in a greater depth. I am so glad that I did choose to carry my bitterness, and that life did happen. These situations brought me low, and made me humble in ways that I wasn’t. It made me see such different facets of the Lord’s character that I would’ve only read about and not experienced. It made me find my hope, joy, and my strength in the Lord alone and learn how to seek him from those places. If a person seeks the Lord from where they are, or for who the Lord can make them it will count for nothing; if one seeks the Lord for who HE IS-that’s something that will never change regardless of where we are, or who we are.

He’s stirred up dreams and passions that I suffocated three years ago. As I would pass people walking to class, I’d get burdens for their situations, their hearts, lives, and souls. I’d want to grab each person and tell them that there is a love beyond reason, a joy that lights up the darkness, and a peace that sustains. Suddenly it evolved to ‘get out of my way I have to get to class and I can’t stand any of you’. haha I forgot how much of a passion I carried for this generation and Brockport campus. The Lord has given me ideas, a passion, visions, and such hope for the campus. I am SO EXCITED to go back to Brockport and show these beautiful people the love they have waiting for them! No holding back, and no holding me back!

The Lord’s timing is so perfect. He’s not in a rush, and He “will make your path straight”. There is nothing to worry about-we mean more to Him than anything and He just wants us to be filled with joy and enjoy the ride.

Last week the Lord prompted the idea of going back to Brockport directly after IHOP is over. After lots of prayer and thought I will be coming home from IHOP for about 5 days, and then will head up to Brockport to take a few classes and just transition for the remainder of the summer! (YAY!!) He knows our hearts so well! He knows that I am a planner, that I like to be fully prepared, and that I like to be weeks ahead of schedule. All of these “spur of the moment” changes in my life, have been ordered with ample time for me to get ready for them. When He told me to go to IHOP, I had enough time to work everything out in Brockport before I left. And now when my plans change to head back to Brockport after IHOP, I have enough time to get ready for both IHOP and Brockport since I won’t have time when I return from Kansas City. He is just so good! (so good, so-so good to me, so good, so-so good to me. Who-uh-oh-oh-oh-oh yeah)

This is something I’ve felt and something I have waited for, believed for, fought for, and prayed for. Hallelujah my God is alive and well!

I don’t deserve this. He became broken so that I could be whole. He became despised, rejected, hated-everything that He needed to be so that I could be free to dance on the land.
So. Now I dance.

“My lover spoke and said to me, ‘Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.”-Song of Songs 2:10-12

“and when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God.”-Daniel 6:23

And when Heather was taken out of the deep depths, her heart was found intact, because she had trusted in her God!

“You walk with me through fire and heal all my disease.
I trust in You, Oh I trust in You.
I believe that You’re my healer. I believe that You are all I need.
I believe that You’re my portion. I believe You’re more than enough for me.
Jesus, You’re all I need.”

“You said there would be joy-and now I see”

xoxo

20 days till Kansas City is "home".

2010-03-09T14:55:00.003-05:00

If you have a few min. watch these! This is what is going on in Kansas City at International House of Prayer and this is where i will be interning until the end of June! my internship is Fire In The Night!!!

I'm really excited to be going there. It was something that would be an adventure one day, and suddenly the way is paved and i'm going!!! whoo!!! =] Dreams come true!!

This quote...

2010-03-05T18:16:00.002-05:00

Jack Kerouac. I respect and can see where he comes from on a lot of things. He's a crazy guy, but I kinda gravitate towards people like that...

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a common place thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulious yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!""

Makes me think of the friends that burn...=]

What do you burn for?? What makes you so passionate you can't even sit still?? i'm learning not to stiffle them down anymore but to let those sparks become flames, and tend to those flames so they become a nice steady burn...

The Field...

2010-02-25T13:29:00.003-05:00

My heart wants a field...a field to get lost in...to run in, to play in. a field of sunflowers, of blue bonnets, of rolling hills. A field that holds seating for the sunrise and the sunset, for the stars and the clouds...

My heart wants a rain...a heavy rain that carries the lightness of refreshment...my hair longs to be drenched in the messy freedom of tangles...a rain that never floods my steps but enables me to skip and jump...

It's 4:23 am when i write this...and this is where my heart longs to be. I breathe in, I breathe out. I can see the hills that I long for and the pink sun descending over the marsh...I smell the fresh rain...I feel the release...

No matter how many miles you run on a treadmill your heart won't fall off...

No matter how much you push your muscles they won't throb out the thoughts...

No matter how loud you turn up the music it won't cover the resounding realization...

And no matter where I go, on nights and days like today, my heart finds its place in that field...

Some fabulous women...

2010-02-23T11:32:00.013-05:00

Jackie Kennedy

Marilyn Monroe

Grace Kelly

Ingrid Bergman

aren't they just divine??

i don't let myself do this often...

2010-02-22T14:01:00.005-05:00

i miss the coffee dates, i miss the walks-more so those talks.
i miss the hugs, i miss the laughs, i miss the mud baths, i miss holding your hands.

i miss each face, each sparkle of the eye, each brush of the hair.

i miss playing with your hair...
i miss holding you, i miss hearing your heart, i miss knowing what to pray for.

i miss the tears, i miss the joy, i miss being the "mommy".

i miss being the sister, i miss the dancing, the singing, the piano playing...

i miss skipping classes to spend time running after the Lord.

i miss seeing-and not just feeling-his hand over your lives.

i miss late nights when i'd wander to your dorms, and i miss how we'd lift each other up.

words just don't describe how much I miss my girls.

My Desire

2010-02-18T19:11:00.005-05:00

Thanks to Ashley at Life is Beautiful for these 2 blog awards (check her out! I like her heart a lot!) =]

(doesn't Bogie look so handsome in that picture?!? =] I feel a Casablanca/African Queen movie night coming on...)

For that award the question is where do I want to be in 10 years....

I will be 30 (whoa!), probably married, a kid or two by now (or 10)...not sure where I'll be or what exactly I'll be doing but I know wherever I'll be, I'll be in the Lord's will!

My greatest desire in life-yes, hubby, kids, job, world changer,etc. But my GREATEST desire-is to simply (not so simply) love the Lord with all that is in me. To know Him, and be loved by Him. To be so one with Him...I want to be known as a furious, passionate, raw lover of Jesus Christ. This is my greatest desire.

So here are some other wonderful, beautiful hearts that have something to say...<3

-Ria, from Life as a Wife (She always lifts my spirits and refreshes my soul)
-Steph, at Sharing the Pages of Life (She really inspires me)
-Elizabeth, at e tells tales (She lives my dream life-and does it beautifully)

love all you readers so much! You bless me more than you could possible know <3

Have a blessed night! xoxoxxo

Well, Hello!

2010-02-17T12:16:00.002-05:00

Dear blog world (it's been a few weeks...),

Hello! I've missed you, but that doesn't mean that I haven't been reading and following your blogs. No, I have been inspired, filled with wonderment, and mostly fallen more in love with the hearts that I have come to know deeper through words.

In the time that we haven't talked I have been spending a lot of time re-visiting the television (now that I'm living back at home) and remembering how much of a competitive spirit I really have (even though I try to hide it). The Amazing Race, The Biggest Loser, and The Beachelor are among the ridiculious shows that I spend a few hours enjoying.

The other hours are spent working out, and planning my meals to make them healthy and yummy. Along with this comes (SOMUCHSWEET) family time-which hasn't happened in almost 3 years! Time catching up with my friends whom I dearly miss, time planning/researching the next steps of my life, and time with the one who has stolen my heart.

I realized a few days ago that I had stopped dreaming. Now, I classify myself as a dreamer and for a dreamer to stiffle their dreams...well, that's odd. I can't see a day when this happened, or a situation that caused it, but I guess it was the preoccupation of life around me. Both a positive and negative...but in a night's time it's funny how I can realize that I have stiffeled my dreams-mailny for fear that their too crazy-however, my dreams are coming true (IHOP!!) and how a song, and a few words from my Beloved awaken the deep dreams. My soul is stirred, and excited, and expectant!!! I love dreaming...Mmhm...it feels good.

Are you dreaming? What are you dreaming about?
Mhmm. life is sweet, life is good, and I am so happy....

Love you, (and I love your heart...please keep blogging it.)

=] heather

Are you waiting for something?

2010-01-26T13:56:00.002-05:00

Check out the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel.

She was married to this guy, Elkanah, who was also married to this chick Peninnah. He loved Hannah more, but kept Peninnah around because she could have kids and Hannah couldn't. Drama, drama, drama right? So Peninnah bullied Hannah all the time because she couldn't have kids. "this went on year after year". Doesn't that just make you want to punch out Peninnah? It would get so bad that Hannah wouldn't eat and just weep all the time.

One day Hannah went to the temple to pray, and she was crying and praying so desperately that she looked drunk. The priest, Eli, yelled at her for being drunk but then she explained her situation. He said, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked on him'. Then she went on her way, ate something, and her face was no longer downcast." So she soon gets pregnant and then gives birth to Samuel and then she dedicates him to the Lord by having him grown up in the temple under Eli. Hannah ends up having five more kids.

-------
A year ago the Lord kept telling me "Hannah" over and over again. This is what first sparked me to look up her story. This began a long study of her, and the other people in her life.

Hannah had a beautiful heart in all of this hurt and confusion. This came from taking her waiting, confusion, hurt, and dreams to the Lord. Everyday she walked to the temple in hysterics. But she always left with strength. And that strength gained would help her get through the rest of the day, and the next until she could get back to the temple. She never ran to her friends or her husband when she was upset. I'm sure they gave her great words of advice and love-but everyone has their own lives too. They can't fully be involved in your situation. Go to the one who's affections and attention is never diverted from YOU!

The turning point in Hannah's story is when she leaves her time with Eli. She has a spring in her step, eats something and is much better! She gets up the next morning and worships the Lord with her husband and then they go make a baby! Hannah didn't conceive a child at that point, but she conceived the child-the promise-in her spirit.

Sometimes it all comes down to us. What are we doing to help our situations, our pain, our confusion? Are we fervently running to the Lord at every turn with these desires? Are we putting Him before our desires? Are we putting our faith in the Promise Maker and not the promise? Are we believing that His promises are "yes and amen!"? Are we putting trust in the one we know? "I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day."- 2 Timothy 1:12

"For that day!" Be bold, and believe what you are waiting for! I'd rather be a bold person proven wrong, than one who was proven right and never did anything. Are we willing to give Him our desires? "I am convinced that He is able to guard..." Do we know just how much more our desires are precious to him?!?! He cares about them so much more than we do! He has bigger purposes for our waiting than we could know! Our choices today affect generations from now, but sometimes we just think about a few years from now, or even tomorrow! But in actuality my great-great-great granddaughter will be affected by the choices that I make today!

Samuel is the long awaited for baby. He is the desire. He is what the tears were spent for, what the crying was for. Hannah said if she got a kid she would dedicate and give him back to the Lord. The Lord kept His promise, and she kept hers. In return, she had 3 more sons and 2 daughters! It does seem like the Lord had a bigger plan that she did? All she wanted was one kid, and the Lord gave her a whole lot more!!

Samuel ends up being a prophet to the nation of Israel. Hannah wanted a son, and God cared about her maternal needs, but He needed a prophet. Her waiting was not in vain. She got to a point of desperation where she was not crying out to the Lord for a child, but she was willing to give him up for the Lord's service. She just wanted a son, but God needed a prophet. That prophets mother needed to have certain qualities to teach him in the way to go, and that prophet's mother would need to be willing to give him up so that he could grow up in the temple....don't you think that God had a purpose in her waiting??

He most certainly does for yours too.

I could go on and on forever about Hannah, the people in her story, the choices she made,etc. but basically it all comes down to this:

Run to Him.
Run to Him when you're happy, when you're sad, when you know what's going on and when you don't. Lay it all down before Him. Just throw it all off. He brings a whole bunch of joy with Him.
There's nothing like His presence.

love!

10 things...

2010-01-20T13:15:00.003-05:00

Thanks to the sweet Alissa, at A Needle in the Haystack, for a Happy award!

Here are 10 things that truly make me so happy!

1.) Jesus

2.) my wonderful WONDERFUL friends...=]

3.) children, "babies"

4.) photoshoots

5.) singing/dancing/playing

6.) going on adventures

7.) grabbing a cup of coffee and heart talking

8.) car ride dance parties

9.) cleaning or planning-i know...but it's true!

10.) cuddling

What makes YOU happy?

xoxoxo

Bport is...

2010-01-14T10:36:00.003-05:00

I get asked so often what is bport like??

Well, bport is chocolate chip waffles on a cool summer morning. Bport is communal nap time. Bport is late night walks, arm-in-arm. Bport is tagging along to friend's family functions because you see your family 2 months out of the year. Bport is coffee shop after coffee shop, and you still haven't found them all. Bport is "day off" at the beach. Bport is flip flops, and uggs. Bport is cozy talks. Bport is raw, deep, and real. Bport is a community of encouragers, and worshippers. Bport is riding in elevators and stopping on every floor. Bport is rain. Bport is playing in puddles, tripping into the fountian, laying in the field. Bport is movie nights. Bport is beautiful girls, and amazing boys. Bport is being extra "nice" to the cute card guy at the gym. Bport is running and running and running and running-finding out that you can't escape this so you'll have to face it. Bport is mix cd's. Bport is 3 hour dinners at the dining hall. Bport is adventures. Bport is the canal. Bport is long car rides to no where so you can just sing. Bport is sweet sunny days. Bport is photo shoot, after photo shoot. Bport is sisters. Bport is fatherly brothers. Bport is roof climbing. Bport is dancing in the street at 3am running back and forth from cars. Bport is tears. Bport is joy. Bport is love. Bport is home.

When I came here to work with PUSH/Dance Mosaic almost 5 years ago, I used to refer to this whole area as "heaven". I knew at the age of 10 that this is where I was going to go to college, live,etc. I told everyone, seemed like a fool, and here I am!

This place is more than just my college. It's more than just my church, and the people that I love. This is home. This is a calling on my life. This is so much more than just a choice. This is a calling-a purpose-an appointment for this time in my life.

Bport is in my heart. <3

"we give You the highest praise!"
-I Need You More-Kim Walker
(check out the new songs on the top right of the blog!)

1 more day...

2010-01-13T23:19:00.005-05:00

So I've written over 40 letter this week to different people in the church. People I know well, some kinda, and some probably couldn't place my name at the end of the card. But each one was personal, and important to me. I poured my heart out in these letters about how these people have blessed me, how much I love them, what I think of them,etc. and yet, I feel like I have barely begun to scratch the surface.

i love it here.
i LOVE it HERE.

Thank goodness other people get paid money to record themselves singing emotions, otherwise I'd be sitting here overwhelmed. not underwhelmed-not whelmed...this is an overwhelmed moment. Every thought that I think these past few days I have to play a song that explains it better than I can.

Things here have been so good these past few weeks. Hanging out with people I've wanted to get to know all 3 years and loving them and finding them love me. Being myself, being accepted for myself, and having people see myself and put me in places where I belong. So many people, so many phone calls, so many laughs, so many dates, so much LOVE!

and now I'm leaving.
story of my life.

Jesus is the most jealous male that I have ever met! He just wants all of my affections, attention....and I would be a total fool if I didn't give it all to Him. He accepts me the exact way I am-heck, He created me that way specifically for a purpose! There is always more to learn about who He is, what He likes, what makes Him smile, sing,etc.
(How He Loves Us)

But I trust Him. I trust Him so much. I don't even know how to explain it all but the lyrics to this song pretty much capture my thoughts on leaving::

Less Like Scars-Sara Groves

It's been a hard year
I'm climbing out of the rubble.
These lessons are hard
the healing changes are subtle.

But everyday it's less like tearing, more like building
less like captive more like willing
less like breakdown more like surrender
less like haunting more like remember

I feel you here and you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful.
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
You are able
And in Your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
and more like character.

Less like a prison, more like my room
less like a casket, more like a womb
less like dying, more like transcending
less like fear, LESS LIKE AN ENDING.

and just a little while ago i couldn't feel the power or the hope
i couldn't cope I couldn't feel a thing
and just a little while back
i was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping you would come

but I need you
I want you here
and i feel you

and i KNOW you're here and you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful....

every line is so "right now". I feel like everything is so good around me and in me, but no would ever be able to see all of the changes in my life. There's no more breaking down of relationships, there are only ones being built up. I'm not in captivity here doing things I don't want to...I kinda wanna be here. (a lot). Places and people aren't "haunting" anymore, they're sweet memories. I used to beg to "escape" this place, but now it looks like home. I know that the Lord is here and moving here and working in my life HERE. I know he's not going to leave all these things in shambles, but keep working in those things while I'm gone. He is FOREVER FAITHFUL! All of this stuff just lines up and has a purpose. It looks "less like scars and more like character".

This is so much less than an ending.
This is not the end.

Dear Bport-
Tomorrow we will walk together, I will take many pictures of your beauty. I will get coffee at Java's one last time, I will walk around my favorite stores one last time. I will meet with the people who have impacted my life in such a vital and important way to say good-bye at 3...and then I will hang out some more. and then spend some more time with the ones that I love, and then i will stay up for a good amount of the night writing about you and staring out my window.

I love you. and this is anything but an ending.
love, Heather.

<3

7 things...

2010-01-12T01:29:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Alissa, a new blog friend, for blessing me with some wonderful "awards". For one of them I have to list 7 things about myself which make me a "unique individual".

1.) I am moving back home for 2 months and doing NOTHING except love on my family and get loved on (and pick up a new hobby-any suggestions?) then I am moving to Kansas City, MO to intern at the International House of Prayer-Fire In the Night internship until July. And I get 12 credits for all of this!

2.) Much to many people's unbelief I am not living the life that I wanted to live, but I am living the life that I am called to and I am finding it better than anything I wanted! Never wanted missions, never wanted to leave, never wanted to do a lot of things that I am doing-but I'm finding that I feel more alive in these things that anything else!

3.) I can probably count the time that I don't spend singing or dancing. It's that rare.

4.) I have dreams of grabbing a close friend and traveling from NY to Portland, stopping at coffee shops along the way and listening to acoustic music. I want to write a book from this adventure because I want to sit with random strangers along the way-not give advice or help them-but hear what is on their heart, the big question, worries,etc. I just want to hear what really is on people's hearts. Things that they wouldn't even express to their friends. I want to hear the human heart. (and then write a book to record it all and maybe make a profit from all the gas money spent up!)

5.) I want to live in various settings throughout my life. I want to live in a studio apartment in a city, an apartment complex in a small villiage, and a big, spacious house in a country-like development.

6.) I want to work in an organization-maybe even have my husband be the head of it along with me. I want this organization to focus on children, and them expanding the kingdom of God from a very young age! I want them to know that they are important, and that they have power even though they are young and that they can use that power and act in it! An organization I really love and have been in contact with over the past 2 years (fingers-crossed!) that encompases everything I want in an organization is Rainbows of Hope located in Fort Mill, SC. <3

7.) I deeply and truly love my friends more than anything in the world.

and Jesus is amazing!! <3 I'd do anything for Him, go anywhere with Him, and love Him at any cost...

Best Songs of 2009

2010-01-07T23:32:00.002-05:00

Favorites:

(just open links in new window, but don't watch the movies-they're either wierd, or just lyrics) Enjoy!!

Jesus song-Always Faithful by Cory Asbury

Summer anthem-I've Got a Feelin' by Blackeyed Peas

Happy song-Lowest Place by Laura Hackett

Country song-Come On Get Higher cover by Sugarland

Pop/Rock song-Without You Here by Goo Goo Dolls

Chill song-I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

Dance song-Down by Jay Sean

Sappy song-Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Love song-When It Was Over by Sara Groves

Inspire Me song: Just Around the Riverbend by Pocohantas

New song: We the Redeemed by Hillsong

New Artist: Zack Williams check out James and I'm The One You Should've Let Go

Belt it song: My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson

Mmm. SO good!

2010-01-07T08:05:00.005-05:00

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

-Matthew 6:33-34(mess.)

thanks to kelly for this <3

I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinved that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.

-2 Tim. 1:12(niv)

Christ's love has moved me to such extremes.

-2 Corinth. 5:14(mess.)

xoxoxoxo

it's that time again...

2010-01-06T23:20:00.002-05:00

8 months away!?!?!

from him? from her? and her, and her, and her and him!?! and him!?! and them!?!?

8 months away from Christ Community.....i can't even let that thought come to the surface.
I just look at people and tears slowly start down my face...

Once again, I am back in this place of "good-byes" with people.

I am so excited for my time home...(well, "home") and then my time at IHOP-Kansas City.

but this place....oh how I LOVE this place....i LOVE this church....and I desperately love THESE people....

Jesus, your love makes it worth it all. That's the only thing that gives me strength and gumption to leave. To give it up time and time and time and time again......just to find that i am brought back.

Your love makes it worth it.

no countdown for these last days here (.....10)
Please let these days grow sweeter, and slower!

xoxoxox

What stories would they say?

2010-01-04T10:21:00.005-05:00

This morning I decided to drink out of a mug that I haven't drank out of lately. I got this mug from a close friend who bought it at a garage sale. She got a pair of 3, keeping one for herself, giving one to me and the last one to another close friend. The fact that someone else had this mug before me always spurs lots of thoughts.

Who were they? was this their favorite mug? did they read while drinking from it? what book? did they dream while looking out the window? why did they sell it? was it kept in the back of the cubbard? where did they get it from, and why? was it used by a child who would count the flower petals? what thoughts were thought while it was being used?
.....i could go on and on and on.

I love the fact that it was used. I have a friend who has a blanket that was previously used and she also loves the "where did this come from" feelings. It makes me think of the items around me...what stories would they tell someone? Sometimes i feel like they would know the true me better than some of my friends. They see the girl who runs around the house singing and dancing non-stop. I can imagnie my mug talking "so then she would put on this music and run to a big open space in the living room and just jump and sing her heart out"...haha oh man...

ps-excellent book "Listening Is An Act of Love" by the Storycorps Project-check it out! amazing!

and yay for new journals from good friends that come with quite the purpose...;]

love! xoxo

2009...what a year!

2009-12-31T01:22:00.006-05:00

There is so much that I could say about this past year...but i can't seem to find the words for it. Reading my journals from this past year (like I always do) take me back. This year seemed to go by so fast, but as I was reading I found myself transported to other times, places, and situations. I felt like this girl in the beginning of 2009 is a totally different one than the one typing this to you now (in a much BETTER way, thank you Jesus!) So much happened in these 12 months. and seeing where I was and how my situations were, I can, once again, say that "Savior, He CAN (and does) move the mountains-My God is mighty to save!)

What I wanted and what I was told I was going to enter into in 2008 was spot on! I asked that everything I loved be ripped from my hands so that I would know what it would be like to suffer and to have nothing and no one to lean on except the Lord. Well, lets just say that was fully answered in 2008. It left me broken, "suffering", but truly blessed and prepared a way for the next season I was going to enter.

2009 was said to be a limitless year. A hidden year. A year free from pain and a year of blessing. A year of deep healing and love. I can say, yes 2009 was that. I was hidden, full of blessings, a happy year, and a year where i entered into deeper parts of my soul that became renewed and healed. It was a year where the words "Jesus loves me" took on a totally different meaning. Where church wasn't just about the friends, or the dressy clothes that I could wear. It was a year where my free time turned into time that was totally occupied by watching worship sets at IHOP. A year where my dreams no longer were just bubbles in my head, but were references, applications, and pictures post-marked in the mail. A year where my faith was built up even more. It was a year of questioning, searching, yearning, and wondering "what if"...It was a year of confirmation, after confirmation, after confirmation. A year where new things blossomed inside of me, and old things died. A year where all I want and all I desire is to thank the Lord for all He has done in my life, through me, with me, and for me. I just want to love Him rightly.

So here are a few things that 2009 has taught me:
1)Our prayers are powerful and they move the heart of the one who created the earth. One glance of our eyes, one look towards God overwhelms Him. He yearns for our desires to pass just as much as we do because we are just that precious to Him. Our prayers move things in the spirit realm. They don't have to be long, have big words, and they don't have to be 5 seconds either. They just have to be from the heart. Prayers make things move! So whatever you're praying for (or whomever you're praying for) keep on praying-because whether you see it or not something IS happening!

2) That nothing I do, say or feel could EVER make the Lord stop loving me. I may not always feel Him, but I know that He is a faithful lover!
"What shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?...I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the Lord of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord"-Romans 8:38-39

3) I am so blessed by my friends, teachers, family, church family, etc. I am just so blessed by each person around me, and truly inspired by each and everyone in so many different ways. We are all so unique and created so intimately with such unique giftings and detailed personalities and characters. No one else can love the Lord the same way as the other!

4) The Lord really does know us so well. One of the biggest things that happened to me this year was when I was attending a conference and really needed help. I felt like I had reached the end of my rope. There was no where else to go, to turn to, things just weren't being resolved and I didn't know what to do. I needed, and asked, for the Lord to call me out and get this fixed. I needed Him desperately to grab my hand. So I'm at this conference sitting in the front between two of my closest friends. The speaker is a pastor from Africa who sold his television and also his shoes, i believe, to get to the conference. He truly knows what it means to "die" for your faith-or to have the honest threat of it. While he is speaking my mind is not listening I am just crying out to the Lord about how bitter I am over situations from 2008. I didn't want to be bitter but I didn't know how things would ever be resolved or what the Lord really thought about situations. Did I make all this up? Am I crazy? This is ridiculous... All these thoughts were running through my head with the urgency to get rid of this bitterness and empty these situations once and for all. Well, as I'm rambling on in my head the speaker says "I'm going to stop preaching. The Lord wants to talk to somebody"....everyone is silent in the room.

I think to myself-I am so bitter.
"The Lord is looking for somebody with an issue of bitterness."
....hello?!?!..... I couldn't breathe. I knew that this was me.

(*i have edited out parts that are just precious to my heart and I like to just hold on to myself, however I have typed up a lot of what was said in this blog-not to offend or 're-bitter-ize' (?) anyone. this is just what was said, and simply what happened. I am no more better than you and i want to be honest...)

"God is looking for somebody who has an issue of bitterness. I don't know who you are but God has called you to serve Him. The Lord is showing me a horn of anointing-a horn that carries the anointing-but it has been kept back by this bitterness that has dominated your life. You have all the right to be bitter because you are bitter of things that people have done to you. And this person particularly-the bitterness has something to do with a broken relationship. The anointing is there, you can receive it today but you must be cleared of this bitterness...I want to see you because you gonna be healed. If you know that you are the one-I just want to pray for you. Bitterness of a broken relationship. It might be your father, it might be your parents, It might be a boyfriend or a girlfriend-I don't know. but you have been very, very bitter about this. Come to me. "

--by this point he has been standing in front of me the whole time saying this in front of the whole crowd of 300+ and I am sobbing in my seat. I jump up and go over to this man practically crawling on the floor to him. He holds my hands and just looks and whispers softly to me. (thank goodness for mics because i only know all this word for word because of the recording!)

"This is very serious. God has something for you...it has been held back by this bitterness in you. I understand these people have really don't things in your life-things that you don't like. But see how the devil can make you loose something which is so much more valuable than that relationship? I want you to open your heart, to have faith to forgive these people. Just talk to your father, talk to God. Scream if you want to, cry if you want to. who knows what you will do. Just call on the name of Jesus..."

Soon there after a girl came up to me and went into more detail on things that I needed.

"You were not meant to be small in the kingdom of god. What happened to you was wrong-it wasn't supposed to happen. Those lies weren't supposed to enter, you hurt and that's ok because it wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't meant for that. You weren't meant to be small-your dreams, promises, and thoughts are from the Lord and not your imagination! You're not meant to be in the back. You are a leader! The Lord has huge dreams for you! bigger than you can think or imagine...You have felt so alone-but you were never alone and will never be. You will not be alone by night nor by day-in the light or in the darkness. You will never be alone. He will be right by your side. What was taken from you-receive it back, take it back by faith. You're not alone."
(thank you whoever you are-all i saw was a blurry face through my watery eyes!!!)

How does a tiny, pastor from Africa know my business? How does a girl I have never seen before know the deep hearts in my heart-specific even to situations, and events. So specific, in fact, that she is crying right beside me about the very situations. No one, not even my closest friends knew what was going on in my heart and life THAT specifically. No one knew I felt alone. How did these 2 people.

Because there is a God. He is real. He has a father heart full of ending love for his children.
He had a son, Jesus. Who took all of our sufferings and pains and gives us joy, love, comfort and peace in return. He is all about love. Loving us, and in return we fall madly in love with Him.
There is the Holy Spirit and other realm which moves, shakes things up and is so much fun!

The Africa guy doesn't know my business, neither did the girl from upstate NY. But someone does.
That was and still is enough for me.

I don't know how I look to you or what you may think of me. That crazy dancing girl, the tall blond who is shy, or the tall blond who is really loud...i don't know how you view me. But i know where I've been this past year and how it's all affected me and how I have felt in my heart, body, mind, soul, and spirit. I know how I've changed and been transformed even if I can't explain it to you or if you don't see it. I don't care if you see me as immature, silly, or stupid. And to be honest-I really don't care how you see me.

All I know is that He sees me, He loves me, I make Him smile, and that He is faithful.
All I care about is making Him happy and loving Him rightly and recieveing the love that He has for me.

He is so real, and so close...He's always closer than we know. He's always more involved and in control.

2009-thank you Lord!

xoxoxo happy new year!

I can't sing loud enough when I'm singing for you...

2009-12-27T19:15:00.004-05:00

Awhile ago, in early december, I went with some close friends to a concer a few hours away. It was the "glory in the highest" christmas tour of bethany dillon, phil wickham and Shane&shane. It was such a needed and nice night-the friends, the songs, the atmosphere, and the Lord! I have always loved Shane&Shane, and Bethany and liked Phil but never got too attatched to him except for one of his hits, Divine Romance. Well, let me tell you-Phil Wickham is one person i would love to spend an hour with! He is on my "list" of most spirit moving people. Every word he spoke has such depth, power, and meaning. I was moved, inspired, and refreshed by him. He just came out with a new cd which is amazing-highly recommend him as an artist, guitar player, and all around great guy!!

Here are some songs that from them!

Bethany: Reach Out

Shane&Shane: Burn Us Up

Phil: Cielo

LOVE to you! xoxo

Shifting...

2009-12-26T23:41:00.003-05:00

What an odd time in my life this is. I'm definitly somewhere in-between....but there is an excitement in all the heart-ache, stress, questions, confusion, frustration...

Mhmm, ladies and gentlemen it is almost time!
'Time for what?' you may ask...
i don't know. but it's coming, it's coming! it's ALMOST HERE!!!

sorry for that...i don't know what's coming or what i'm feeling but in the midst of all this craziness there is this feeling of "it's coming!"...what's coming? i don't know but i know it'll be BEAUTIFUL!

I'm home right now. Being home is lovely. I like getting loved on and spoiled by the family and seeing old friends. But it's not fluffy and lovely all the time.

I'm heading back to college this week for 2 or 3 weeks. and then I'm home for about 2 months. That's all I know for now. Still no "yes" or "no" from my internship so we will see...but something's coming!! I don't feel like this "something" is my internship. I feel like it's something inside of me. How can i possibly explain myself to someone?!?!

Sorry that this is just rambling and nonsence. I could just delete this post, but I won't. I hope that you sit, listen, and feel the shifting that takes place. We go through seasons in our life-just like the world around us. Seasons shift and change. Usually, I feel the shifting long before I see it in my natural world around me. Right now I am feeling the exciting, this is my time, and I was made for "such a time as this" season coming. I'm keeping my eyes open. It's coming!! =]

Hope you all had a lovely christmas and are looking forward to the New Year and the seasons that are headed your way-even the dry or cold seasons will add up to something beautiful.

"He makes everything beautiful in His time"-ecc. 3

I Will Follow You

2009-12-20T16:41:00.002-05:00

I feel like I am being so encouraged, inspired, and helped by you fellow bloggers! Thank you!!

Here is a GREAT song i was led to by Ria.

Let the water's rise-MikesChair

Hope everyone is enjoying these days leading up to Christmas!!!

What is a song that is touching your heart lately??

I'll run the race...

2009-12-15T00:25:00.003-05:00

"half-sure, yet wholehearted".

This was just one small, teeny little line in a 27 page Communication research article I was reading to study for my final. But when I read it, everything seemed to freeze.

Ok, so I like to envision my life as a movie sometimes. The camera would do a close up of my face, my eyes would look off to the right, I'd sigh, and the music would perfectly crescendo with my emotional cues.

....don't judge me-i know you do it too! ;]

I love when I listen to a song or read a sentence in a book that seems to echo the very feelings of your soul.

"Half-sure yet wholehearted". exactly!

I am wholehearted about following the Lord and going where He wants me to go and do whatever He wants me to do. Yet I'm half-sure. Only because this isn't quite what I had planned. My plans=getting married young, popping out a football team, living in a cute house and singing and dancing around as I fold my loves laundry. Yes, i feel like this is still in "the plan", but not just the way that I saw it originally.

I feel like I'm a crazy goose with insane ideas and high dreams, whose running after them and seeing no one else run along side of her. But once again, SO wholehearted about it all. I'm only running because His hand is pulling me along. This hand hold is what I call love.

"Christ's love has moved me to such extremes"-2 corinthians 5:14.

I know that His ways are so much higher than mine. He has a totally different perspective and view point. He loves me so much. His plans for me are nothing but good-looking back on everything He's done i know He has me.

I know that all I have to do is just keep holding his hand and giggling as we run along into these crazy things. Just enjoy the adventure. Maybe someone is running on the other side of Him, holding His other hand...maybe one day we'll catch a glimpse of each other's feet as we're running along. But for now I'll hold off on my football team, the joy of doing dishes and folding laundry, and i'll go to where He's called me to go and do what He's called me to do.

He's got nothing but good, good things for me! I know He has me.

Brighten My Day award!

2009-12-13T21:40:00.003-05:00

I received a "Brighten My Day award" from the beautiful Kellie, earlier today-too sweet!

So in honor of this here are 10 things that Brighten My Day in this season of life...

1) Sunshine

2) When iTunes has an excellent shuffle selection

3) Waking up to Bible verse texts and then sending back other ones

4) Hugs, smiles, and kind words

5) A warm beverage, a blanket, my journal, and a cozy corner by the window

6) Meeting up many different and diverse people in one day

7) Emails with lots of stories, pictures, and lovin'...=]

8) The plans for my future-both known and unknown.

9) Jesus!!

10) All the people I like to call my friends-wether we've met in person or not, you bloggers have shared a piece of your heart with me and for that I appreciate, enjoy, and love you!

4 days till I leave this lovely land!

(and then back in a week and then in another month leave for 7 months)

Oh Jesus, keep me strong...

There's A Gap-Laura Hackett

2009-12-12T14:50:00.004-05:00

What do I do here in the waiting?

What do I do with my unsatisfied heart?

What do I do here in the waiting?

Here in the tension of believing again and again and again

There's a lack

There's a gap in my soul

Between the things that I believe and I know

Holy Spirit, You who fill all in all

Come and fill me

Holy Spirit, come hold me together

I fall into grace again

Like a child I am...

just wanted to share....

2009-12-08T21:29:00.003-05:00

Ecclesiastes 3:11, 14

"He makes all things beautiful in it's time...we cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end...we know that everything God does will endure forever."

"Just In Time"-Misty Edwards

Like a rushing river am I
Like a raging torrent inside
I find that I’m full of knowing nothing
I find that I’m hungry for the fullness of Christ

Like a rushing river am I
Like a raging torrent inside
I find that I’m free falling again
I’m letting go of the mountain view,
Letting go, but what into

I’ve been crucified with Christ,
Crucified with Christ, I’ve been crucified with Christ
Yet not I, for one thing I know
You make ALL things beautiful
Just in time

What is the length, what is the width, what is the depth, what is the height

Who come comprehend? Who can enter in?
What is the length, what is the width, what is the depth, what is the height.
From glory to glory,
From death to life, life to death again
From strength to strength
Deep calls out to deep, Deep calls out to deep, Deep calls out to deep
As I press on!

Give Him control. Just fall into His arms and let Him move and do the work. He will make everything beautiful because He loves us, and whatever He does has eternity purposes. xoxo

Blessings!!

9 days...

2009-12-08T15:47:00.002-05:00

I'm emotionally unstable.

I'm acting like an insanely hormonal woman.

I went and saw the Christmas Tour of Shane&Shane, Phil Wickham, and Bethany Dillon.

I loved them all so much!

Here is a Bethany song that I normally am not too much a fan of, but this week I can't stop singing it...and fully believing it wholeheartedly. =]

All I Need-Bethany Dillon

When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need

When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need
You're all I need
The sun on my face
I hear You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need
You're all I need

I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares with You

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Why I love the movement...

2009-12-05T23:43:00.002-05:00

because of the hearts behind it...

"It's okay to ask real questions. It's okay to say real things. Let's make things that matter and move, and let's chase after those things as well."

To Write Love On Her Arms

Second Chances...

2009-12-01T23:06:00.004-05:00

Next time.

Next time i'll run to the souls i feel to run to.

no matter who.

no matter where.

no matter what.

Next time I'll sit at the feet of those who's hearts I want to hear.

I'll sit at the feet of the wise ones I want to hear,

and i won't let fear or the thought of rejection hold me back.

that doesn't have to be a far off dream-the gaining of wisdom and the hearing of hearts.

it can be a reality for here and now.

Next time.

Next time i'll go and sit with those i want to sit with.

the nameless beautiful faces that just steal my heart from far away.

i'll connect with those who i want to connect with.

I'll sit and laugh with my brothers more often.

I'll hold on to my girls tighter than ever.

my babies...oh my girls...xoxo

beacuase it's not those people who matter at the end of it all.

the ones who i fear rejection from, those who will think of me oddly.

no, they won't matter at the end of it all.

they don't matter now.

at the end of it all they're not who matter.

looking back now, they don't matter to me.

but what I didn't do...who i didn't go to, who i didn't hug long enough, who i didn't sit with, what i didn't say....that's what eats me.

Right now, I ache. I cry.

I thought these 3 weeks would fly by fast and gloriously.

it's day 2. I just want to hold you in my arms forever and ever...

I'm so happy that I get a second chance at this.

Here.

I get a second chance.

Here. i get my second chance. HERE.

I'm not satisfied with what i've done here.

yes, great things, fun times, heart stuff, impact.

but it's not enough for me.

here. right here.

i'm not finished with this place.

next time....

next time it'll be different....

i'm not done.

i love second chances.

Reminded...

2009-12-01T17:37:00.005-05:00

Sometimes it's nice to look back on old blogs that I wrote...

it's also nice to know who you are....=]

this is me. (click)

xoxoxoxoxo

Happy December!!

ps-wanna check out an excellent blog??

Meet Alex. (click) He's soul stirring.

Here we go!!

2009-11-29T18:00:00.002-05:00

Well, here it is. I am a huge planner. I made a calender of my last few weeks here (until my time here in January), but these are my last weeks here while everyone else is here. Some people will still be around in January but this is my last time till next August with some of these people! whoa...

These spaces will soon be filled with people's names, times, places....I'm very excited in the midst of my suddenly divided heart.

emotions, heart, body, faith....Here we go!!

It's a verb!

2009-11-22T03:46:00.002-05:00

"Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action" W.J. Cameron

SO many wonderful people, events, times, and things to be very thankful for!

I am one blessed girl! =]

Happy thanksgiving to YOU!! <3

xoxoxo

No One Else

2009-11-19T22:08:00.001-05:00

"No one else can love You like I love You, Lord

'cause I was made unique in Your heart

I was made to bring You Joy!"

Think of your significant other (real, future, imaginary...)

think of how you feel when they lavish you with their love.

those moments when you KNOW that they love you because they are loving you with every fiber of their being....overwhelmed with joy.

think of how you feel when you are loving on them with every fiber of your being...

how free, exciting, and joyful it is when you love on them.

Did you know that no one can love the lord the exact same way that you love Him?

You are THAT special!

If you're not loving Him to your full extent,

then there is something in His heart that isn't getting "fed".

It makes Him ache.

He's pouring out ALL of His love with half-return, or no return...

But when He is loved fully by you,

in the special ways that you like to show your love to him

it brings him SO MUCH JOY!!!

and in return, He lavishes his love on you and it starts the cycle of you throwing your love back on him.

We love because He first loved us.

We only love because we have been loved.

We don't know how to love until we allow His love to hit us.

You are THAT important to Him.

You are THAT unique and intimately created.

You are THAT individual from everyone else.

You are THAT loved.