But He tells me to run. He tells me to run hard. To not quit. To stay and learn about Him. Because here is where I learn about kindness-when I have none to give. It's where I learn mercy-when I have none. I see it. Everywhere I look I see His kindness, I see His love, I see His compassion on the individuals...and even if I just sit back, have no feelings towards them at all-I feel His feelings...and I am beginning to think that this is teaching me more than any other season ever before.
So, He tells me to run.
Run to Him. Run because in the race I will get to know Him. He is my prize. This is what I was made to do-get to know Him, love Him, and be loved by Him.
But I feel like I can't. I feel like I am going to fall. Like it's all going to fall apart...again. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I'd rather just stay and be with you and never leave. ever. How can I possibly go this much longer?
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.-Proverbs 18:10
I will wait. I will run and I will wait. I don't know how I will but I will. I will run.
I will run the course of Your commandments, For You shall enlarge my heart.-Psalm 119:32
But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.-Isaiah 40:31
Oh Jesus, give me grace and give me strength to do what you have called me to do. Keep my gaze fixed upon you. Let me not grow tired and anxious but let me continually see the joy and the purpose in this...I need you, I need your strength. There is only one way I can do this:
If I look unto Jesus, this race is a joy. If I look at my work, my social status, my being-I can't run. But looking unto Him-it is a joy because it's all about Him. It's all for Him. It's all with Him!! Looking at Him-I begin to run without realizing it because all I want is to be next to Him forever and ever. I want to be closer to Him than anyone! When I look at Him all my anxieties fall to the side. When I look to the one who overcame, to the one who stands in victory I find that my worries make no sense. My anxieties have no hold. So once again, I lift up my eyes again to the One who stands on high. I recall to my mind that every choice I am making right now, is preparing me to rule and reign at the side of my Husband.
I just have to keep running. I just have to follow the Resurrection. I just have to follow the Lamb. Wherever He goes.
and really that's all I long for. Running after the Lamb wherever He may go.
I just forget that when I'm here...This is my confession: