"What do you want to do?"
Oh that fearful dreaded question. Now that I am in my last year of college, it is asked quite often. My answer varies depending on what function I am at or who I am talking to. But most of the time it revolves something around working with an organization. Vague, and not entirely false, but not even a dent into the surface of my heart. It's getting to a point where I can't stand it anymore. I can't hide it anymore. The next person who asks me is in for the waterfall of awakenings...When the question is asked this list runs through my mind:
-I want to get as close to God as anyone has ever dared to go
-I want to get married and have a huge-hunka family
-I want to be the most encouraging, loving, wonderful, best friend/teammate/wife that I can be
-I want to have my kids raised by and in the Spirit and be barefoot and wild! ;]
-I don't want to work
-I want to read book after book after book
-I want to go to Africa and Haiti
-I want to spend a majority of my life being a part of the Prayer Movement
-I want to be a chorus leader on a worship team
-I want to write a book of the things the Lord has told me about
-I want to help start a House of Prayer
-I want to learn to love people with the fullness of my heart-I am far from it!
-I want to learn how to balance humility and honesty
-I want to live my life on earth for my life in the New Jerusalem
-I want to see revival
-I want to be a Martyr
But if I dare to look into the depths of my soul. If i listen to the cries of my spirit. If I look to the emotions of my heart-they all echo the same melody. I really do want to spend my life doing one thing and one thing alone.
What do I want to do?
I want to know God to the fullest extent that I can possibly know Him.
I want to live out what He says is the way to live,
and in doing so I want to fall more in love with Him and see more of Him.
I want Him and nothing but Him.
ALL of Him.
In this journey that may mean getting married, having kids, going to Africa
or it might not.
As long as I get Him I don't care.
I don't care if I get married.
Honestly, I don't.
I don't care.
I just want Him.
I want Him all of my days.
I will never settle for anything less than what will get me to Him.
Whatever that looks like
whatever that feels like-because i am sure it won't feel lovely on certain days
but whatever it's like
I WANT IT.
because I want Him.
This is what I want to do with my life.