Monday, August 9, 2010

Let's Be Real...

"What do you want to do?"
Oh that fearful dreaded question. Now that I am in my last year of college, it is asked quite often. My answer varies depending on what function I am at or who I am talking to. But most of the time it revolves something around working with an organization. Vague, and not entirely false, but not even a dent into the surface of my heart. It's getting to a point where I can't stand it anymore. I can't hide it anymore. The next person who asks me is in for the waterfall of awakenings...When the question is asked this list runs through my mind:
-I want to get as close to God as anyone has ever dared to go
-I want to get married and have a huge-hunka family
-I want to be the most encouraging, loving, wonderful, best friend/teammate/wife that I can be
-I want to have my kids raised by and in the Spirit and be barefoot and wild! ;]
-I don't want to work
-I want to read book after book after book
-I want to go to Africa and Haiti
-I want to spend a majority of my life being a part of the Prayer Movement
-I want to be a chorus leader on a worship team
-I want to write a book of the things the Lord has told me about
-I want to help start a House of Prayer
-I want to learn to love people with the fullness of my heart-I am far from it!
-I want to learn how to balance humility and honesty
-I want to live my life on earth for my life in the New Jerusalem
-I want to see revival
-I want to be a Martyr

But if I dare to look into the depths of my soul. If i listen to the cries of my spirit. If I look to the emotions of my heart-they all echo the same melody. I really do want to spend my life doing one thing and one thing alone.

What do I want to do?

I want to know God to the fullest extent that I can possibly know Him.
I want to live out what He says is the way to live,
and in doing so I want to fall more in love with Him and see more of Him.
I want Him and nothing but Him.
ALL of Him.
In this journey that may mean getting married, having kids, going to Africa
or it might not.
As long as I get Him I don't care.
I don't care if I get married.
Honestly, I don't.
I don't care.
I just want Him.
I want Him all of my days.
I will never settle for anything less than what will get me to Him.
Whatever that looks like
whatever that feels like-because i am sure it won't feel lovely on certain days
but whatever it's like
because I want Him.
only Him.

This is what I want to do with my life.


Ashley @ Life Is Beautiful said...

What a beautiful, perfect post!
I always hate being asked "so, what are you going to do with your life?" My junior year in high school is when that started. I knew what I wanted to do, and that was what the Lord wanted me to do. I had teachers who said they were Christians that told me I was crazy, and that I could go to any college I wanted, why would I throw it all away? By His grace I chose His way, and not what I had always wanted in my life. People sure don't look at my life at this moment and have glamorous pop into their minds, but I'm happy and I know I'm in God's will. I know there are things that I need His help with, but I've had to learn to just trust Him. He knows what is best for me!

It's just so great knowing that He knows it all. Even though there have been times that I've thought my life is nothing of what I had always dreamed, but then I remember what a preacher told me once about how for young people it's hard because all those dreams you had may not be what God has in store for you, but I've certainly learned that what He has in store far exceeds what my mind and heart could ever dream!

Ok, that was a super long comment, but I just loved this post! Absolutely loved it! Get as close to Him as you possibly can, and just so you know this post helped me. That desire to get as close to Him as possible used to be in my heart. It still is, but I let things in life bring me down, and instead of getting closer to Him, I drifted from Him. I'm still paying for that, but I'm so thankful I serve a merciful and loving God who will help me and be my strength, and who lets me get close to Him!

Thank you so much for this wonderful post! I could say it again, but I think I've made it long enough! haha

Lots of Smiles!

Stephanie M. Page said...

I have tears in my eyes. I love this look into your heart. YOU GO GIRL! God has bigger things for you than you can even BEGIN To imagine!!!!!! With a heart like that He will take you and you will soar. I can't wait to see what God is gonna do with your life.

Why is it always about what we DO? It is about Who we are, or WHOSE we are. Yes? We are His.

You glorify Him!!

Kendralee* said...

i have chills. and i'm probably going to cry soon.

oh, how i long..