Let me update you on my heart during this season.
1-I’m going to IHOP in 10 days!
2-I’ve never felt this sense of purpose and timing in my life before. Everything I do, everywhere I go, and everything/one I see is a specific thing that I am supposed to do. It’s not just a thing on my list or a coincidence. EVERYTHING has a huge weight of purpose on it. It’s true. It overwhelms me.
I have learned so much in these 3 months here at home. Things about myself, what I want, what I like, things about other people, and mostly things about the Lord. During these three months the Lord has completely restored my soul. Just like Psalm 23:3 says “He restoreth my soul”. I looked at a poster in my room that says this other day and those words hit my heart so hard. HE has restored my soul. Nothing I could’ve done could ever have healed the broken places in my heart. Nothing I could have done would have mended the relationships that were beyond repair. Nothing could have brought me back. Nothing except Him!
I felt Him begin to restore my soul this past summer. These 3 months were the last intense, sweet, peaceful finishing touches. Life happens, we make mistakes, and we choose to carry bitterness instead of lay it down. Before I knew it my heart wasn’t the same-I wasn’t the same-and I had rough edges towards people, situations, things I didn’t understand, and mostly towards myself. The choices I made stole my full joy, my self-esteem and worth, and my dreams. Over the past few years I would be found saying to one of my closest friends, “I used to not be like this”.
Having the time now to sit and fully check my heart and soul with the Lord, I find that the things I felt I had “lost”, I have gained in a greater depth. I am so glad that I did choose to carry my bitterness, and that life did happen. These situations brought me low, and made me humble in ways that I wasn’t. It made me see such different facets of the Lord’s character that I would’ve only read about and not experienced. It made me find my hope, joy, and my strength in the Lord alone and learn how to seek him from those places. If a person seeks the Lord from where they are, or for who the Lord can make them it will count for nothing; if one seeks the Lord for who HE IS-that’s something that will never change regardless of where we are, or who we are.
He’s stirred up dreams and passions that I suffocated three years ago. As I would pass people walking to class, I’d get burdens for their situations, their hearts, lives, and souls. I’d want to grab each person and tell them that there is a love beyond reason, a joy that lights up the darkness, and a peace that sustains. Suddenly it evolved to ‘get out of my way I have to get to class and I can’t stand any of you’. haha I forgot how much of a passion I carried for this generation and Brockport campus. The Lord has given me ideas, a passion, visions, and such hope for the campus. I am SO EXCITED to go back to Brockport and show these beautiful people the love they have waiting for them! No holding back, and no holding me back!
The Lord’s timing is so perfect. He’s not in a rush, and He “will make your path straight”. There is nothing to worry about-we mean more to Him than anything and He just wants us to be filled with joy and enjoy the ride.
Last week the Lord prompted the idea of going back to Brockport directly after IHOP is over. After lots of prayer and thought I will be coming home from IHOP for about 5 days, and then will head up to Brockport to take a few classes and just transition for the remainder of the summer! (YAY!!) He knows our hearts so well! He knows that I am a planner, that I like to be fully prepared, and that I like to be weeks ahead of schedule. All of these “spur of the moment” changes in my life, have been ordered with ample time for me to get ready for them. When He told me to go to IHOP, I had enough time to work everything out in Brockport before I left. And now when my plans change to head back to Brockport after IHOP, I have enough time to get ready for both IHOP and Brockport since I won’t have time when I return from Kansas City. He is just so good! (so good, so-so good to me, so good, so-so good to me. Who-uh-oh-oh-oh-oh yeah)
This is something I’ve felt and something I have waited for, believed for, fought for, and prayed for. Hallelujah my God is alive and well!
I don’t deserve this. He became broken so that I could be whole. He became despised, rejected, hated-everything that He needed to be so that I could be free to dance on the land.
So. Now I dance.
“My lover spoke and said to me, ‘Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.”-Song of Songs 2:10-12
“and when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God.”-Daniel 6:23
And when Heather was taken out of the deep depths, her heart was found intact, because she had trusted in her God!
“You walk with me through fire and heal all my disease.
I trust in You, Oh I trust in You.
I believe that You’re my healer. I believe that You are all I need.
I believe that You’re my portion. I believe You’re more than enough for me.
Jesus, You’re all I need.”
“You said there would be joy-and now I see”